If you plan to see “A Minecraft Movie” this weekend, bring an umbrella.
This is not about the weather. The umbrella is for inside the theatre should rowdy youngsters start hurling popcorn at your head. There were stories this week from around the globe about boys and teens showing up to screenings like packs of hyenas rampaging in a museum.
As one English moviegoer told the Powys County Times: “Quite honestly I’ve seen monkeys at Chester Zoo behave more civilised (sic) than those at the 1:45pm showing on Saturday.”
The hit film — it has grossed more than $300 million since opening last weekend — is based on a hit video game. But if you are unaware of the memes and hashtags fused to the franchise, it would be unnerving as everyone around you is jumping, screaming, filming, laughing, clapping and basically going nuts in the dark.
Am I at Cineplex or the Colosseum?
I am of two minds. Kids will be kids. After the pandemic trapped them in suspended animation, kids deserve to have fun. Then again, if you are also a paying customer, you deserve to enjoy an outing that does not involve ducking snack projectiles and soda tsunamis.
This leaves cinemas in a bind. “Minecraft” is shaping up to be a 2025 cash cow. All that flying popcorn has a big profit margin. After scoffs at the trailer, nobody expected this film to be a shot of adrenalin into the heart of an industry on life support. But here we are.
At the same time, cinemas do not want to alienate loyal patrons who don’t know a “chicken jockey” from a “piggin squawky.” Why is everyone rushing the screen to chest-bump Jack Black? Why are certain lines of dialogue triggering callbacks and standing ovations?
Cinemas tried to restore order this week by warning customers about “disruptive behaviour.” They vowed automatic ejections. Some even banned groups of male teens not accompanied by an adult. There are PSAs and links to “rules of conduct.” In a couple of cases, the police were called. But this is really just a clash of cultures.
It’s normie moviegoers versus maniacal gamers.
“Minecraft” is rare: a cult film before the premiere. Most cult films need years to become cult films. And then, at special events and midnight screenings, audience participation enters the frame. Dancing to the “Time Warp” during “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” Throwing plastic spoons during “The Room.” Showing up in bathrobes and sunglasses for “The Big Lebowski.” Dressing up as Frank the Rabbit for “Donnie Darko.”
I once went to a triple bill of obscure horror films at a Pennsylvania drive-in. At one point, this creepy guy walked up to the car, crouched down and stared at me through the window. Audience participation? Nope, it was just a creepy guy staring at me through the window.
This was the ’80s. Brown people were a novelty in Harrisburg.
What are we to make of this “Minecraft” bad behaviour? I feel sorry for the cleaners who draw the short straw and then amble into the empty theatre with a mop and a sigh. They must glance at the sea of rubbish and curse the cosmos for not giving them the “Snow White” detail.
There is nothing to scrub if nobody was in the theatre.
But even this is not new. Remember the old days when the lights would come up and it felt like you were in a ball pit? The already filthy carpet was mottled with chewing gum, popcorn, paper cups, pop bottles and, if it was a tear-jerker, balled-up tissues?
Minecraft? That was a minefield as you exited.
We romanticize the past. Yes, there was a time when people dressed nicely for the movies and acted with decorum. They also chain-smoked for two hours. Now movies start with content warnings if characters are puffing on cigarettes. We’ve come a long way, baby.
There’s been a lot of talk lately about the decline of cinema etiquette. I pin the blame on cellphones. Why don’t we just ban phones from theatres? Make customers lock them in boxes outside the entrance. The lads causing a ruckus at “Minecraft” are partaking in a TikTok trend. Take away their phones and they’ll be forced to sit there and quietly watch the movie.
Or maybe we should see this as a teachable moment. Put undercover social workers in the theatre to monitor the screening and then confront the troublemakers. Ask them about their hopes and dreams. Give them books. Talk to them kindly about expectations and rules of engagement in public spaces. Encourage them to be considerate of others.
Most of us go to the movies to escape reality. Maybe we can flip this.
Maybe the “Minecraft” boys can learn the real world is not their screen world.
