Life would be so easy if we could blame everything on Joe Biden.
Speeding ticket? Joe Biden was driving! Broken dishwasher? Joe Biden put his dentures in the soap dispenser! Forgot your wedding anniversary? Sweetheart, Joe Biden did not remember when we got married! It’s his fault. Late tax filing? Joe Biden is my accountant!
The Biden Boogeyman is all Donald Trump has left in his cratering presidency.
On Wednesday, America received another economic gloom call. Per CNBC: “The U.S. Department of Commerce reported that gross domestic product fell at a 0.3% annualized pace in the first three months of the year.” And “other data showed private payrolls rose by just 62,000 in April, far below expectations.”
And, somewhere, Milton Friedman poured himself a gimlet and kept on birding.
The bleak news forced the toddler-in-chief to throw down his Big Mac and blame his predecessor for his own fiscal idiocy: “This is Biden’s Stock Market, not Trump’s. I didn’t take over until January 20th. Tariffs will soon start kicking in, and companies are starting to move into the USA in record numbers. Our Country will boom, but we have to get rid of the Biden ‘Overhang.’ This will take a while, has NOTHING TO DO WITH TARIFFS, only that he left us with bad numbers, but when the boom begins, it will be like no other. BE PATIENT!!!”
Fact-check for Mr. Run-On Sentence: Biden left you with the world’s best economy. Then you took the wheels off his Corvette and replaced them with sandbags while swapping out the spark plugs with Barbie hair. You’ve been in office for 100 days, or roughly a corporate quarter.
So, this is your stock market. And, unsurprisingly, it seems to be going about as well as Trump Taj Mahal, Trump Vodka, Trump Steaks, Trump University, Trump Magazine, Trump Airlines, Trump Mortgage, Trump Fragrances, Trump Mattress …
I’m surprised he hasn’t accused Biden of sleeping with Stormy Daniels.
It can’t be much fun to be a red hat these days. Dear Leader is high on his own supply, the Kool-Aid is starting to taste like turpentine and the cost of eggs is veering toward Fabergé. The only “boom” on the horizon is the sound of mass screaming when Trump signs an executive order mandating all shower heads be replaced with pressure washers that speak English.
The biggest problem for Trump? After 100 days of total control, he’s run out of scapegoats.
It’s hard to own the libs when you are so busy owning yourself.
Trump can’t blame Hillary Clinton for shrinking government services caused by Elon Musk and his DOGE goon squad of 20-something misanthropes. Trump can’t blame Barack Obama for hemorrhaging retirement savings or the fact Uncle John was fired from the VA. MAGA can’t blame “the media” for trying to warn them it was unwise to ride shotgun with a guy who filed for bankruptcy six times and still has no clue about how tariffs work.
Wait. If China is paying, why are those sneakers suddenly $800?
Answer: You’re paying.
Biden can no longer be the punching bag. This means Trump is now punching himself out. Has anyone even seen Sleepy Joe in the last 100 days? Maybe he’s working on his memoir. Maybe he’s playing Canasta against an invisible unicorn. Maybe he’s wandering around a Nordstrom Rack and sniffing the hair of female clerks who are preoccupied folding chinos.
What Biden is not doing is destroying America in between TV interviews and rigged golf tournaments. That would be President Pumpkin. What he is not doing is alienating allies and playing footsie with dictators. That would be Agent Orange.
Trump’s blame game is now firing blanks. There are no rounds in the chamber.
He is his party. He is surrounded by GOP invertebrates and supplicants who won’t say no even if he tells them to brush their teeth with a toilet scrubber. Trump is their blindfolded designated driver speeding over a cliff and George Soros is nowhere on that interstate.
Even the dumbest of the red hats — and that’s a large sample size — know Biden is not why the economy has frozen over like Arendelle. Biden is not the one suspending due process or grabbing citizens off the street after dusting off a 1798 act to give himself wartime powers in peacetime.
Did air travel feel unsafe when Biden was in charge? Did Biden have the moral fortitude to back Ukraine without extorting it for critical minerals? Did Biden’s first 100 days feel like you were trapped in a time warp in which every hour was a harrowing year in the bottom of a crocodile moat?
Sociopaths never take responsibility. Malignant narcissists blame others.
Donald Trump can keep trying to pin his failures on Joe Biden.
But nobody is buying this black fog anymore — not even the red hats
