Not everyone loves going to the dentist.
Me, I love it. I’d go every week if insurance covered it. My hygienist is amazing. I feel cosmic bliss when that chair reclines and she powers up the flying saucer of a blinding light. Then she gets methodical with medieval tools — scraping, poking, grinding, polishing — and an hour later I return to daylight feeling like my mouth went through a car wash.
That’s what I’d write if I were reviewing my dental office. Five stars!
On the flip side comes a story out of Manitoba this week. Per the CBC: “Winnipeg Dental Clinic Sues Man Who Described ‘Terrible Experience’ in Series of Online Reviews.”
It seems this fellow needed a tooth extracted. But in online reviews, he alleged the dentist “was not equipped to provide oral sedation” and “accidentally ripped out new stitches from his mouth …”
A passage of his negative review was cited in the statement of claim: “Go find a homeless individual in a back alley, give them $50 and tell them which teeth you need out. It will hurt less in the long run!”
I’m not taking sides here. The courts will decide. But he could lose more than a tooth. He is accused of “false, inaccurate, misleading and defamatory” statements that caused reputational and financial harm.
So be careful before you post that scathing review. You may end up in court.
Again, we don’t know what happened. But you can see both sides depending on what happened. Let’s say I took my kids to a bird sanctuary and a staffer forgot to lock the aviaries. Rogue falcons escape and dive-bomb us, snatching my glasses and leaving talon gouges on my cheeks.
That’s not a five-star review. But if I posted such a comment and none of that happened, I’d fully expect to find myself in legal soup. We are going to see more of this as online reviews increasingly become a secret sauce that can make or break a small business.
You are making other plans after spotting any mention of Legionella in a waterpark review. If Justin Trudeau really is dating Katy Perry and they break up, he could post mean comments about her metallic panties.
Last year, a Vancouver construction company was awarded damages after suing a man for defamation. In June, a Florida restaurant lost after suing a food blogger who characterized the ribs as “so-so.” An Australian beauty clinic is now suing a customer over her one-star review.
Imagine having to hire Marie Henein after a so-so mani-pedi.
Another problem? Fake reviews. Amazon has tried to crack down. But it’s like trying to kill cockroaches with sugary paste. They just keep coming back for more. Sometimes even “verified” reviews sound dubious. A few years back, a one-star review of a “verified purchase” was titled “beds should look like beds.” Yes, and pillows should not be filled with gravel.
This air mattress was brown on top and white around the sides. But as the unhappy customer declared: “I ordered this when I was drunk because I thought it was a giant ice cream sandwich.”
I’ll take a side here and back the company.
But what if the person leaving a review has a hidden agenda? Or the review is from a competitor or disgruntled ex-employee? Or the one who’s posting is not all there? Yelp does seem to attract many users who likely question the moon landing or believe the first lady of France is a dude.
In a one-star review of a restaurant, I once read, “I went to this restaurant and liked the food. but then the server leaned over me and whispered ‘would you like a side of death with that?’ then he took my fettuccine and formed a pentagram on my table. no one acknowledged me after that.”
I’m just glad the poor woman didn’t order devilled eggs.
An Uber driver will occasionally ask me to give him five stars. What am I, a kindergarten teacher? I don’t have time to be handing out stars. Drive safe and fast and I will tip you. That’s your five stars.
So how do we navigate a world that is under constant review? What do we trust? What do we ignore? Is the key in the aggregate? It’s not like the old days when, after a gloomy walk home in the dark, the only way to complain was to grab a fountain pen and a scroll before dispatching a carrier pigeon to the lamplighter: “Sir, I just walked into a tree.”
With a few keystrokes, anyone can now review any business on this planet — even if they’ve never patronized it. Anyone can boost or hurt a company with honesty or trickery. Anyone can influence other customers.
Reviews can be helpful. Reviews can be deceptive.
And now reviews can get you in trouble.
Something to keep in mind before that next root canal.
