The ghost of Jeffrey Epstein has returned to remind us Donald Trump bends the truth.
We already knew that. Even AI can’t tabulate the endless fibs, deceits, mendacities and laughable falsehoods that fire out of the U.S. president’s mouth each hour like Trident missiles. Trump could look you in the eye and insist the navy suit you were wearing was a pink tutu.
He sees what he wants to see. He dismisses reality as “fake.” The truth is always a “hoax.”
Trump put both words into heavy rotation in recent weeks while failing to wiggle free from the Epstein files. What did the criminal investigation into the late financier and sex offender reveal? Why does releasing the Epstein files scare Trump more than the prospect of going vegan?
On Monday, reality delivered another body blow to the liar-in-chief.
For weeks, Trump denied contributing a lewd doodle to a 2003 “birthday book” compiled to celebrate Epstein’s 50th year. When the Wall Street Journal broke the story this summer, Trump toggled into conniption mode.
He denied the alleged naked female silhouette was his artwork. He said the creepy message to Epstein — concluding with, “A pal is a wonderful thing, Happy Birthday — and may every day be a wonderful secret” — did not mirror the way he talked.
Now he’s screwed. Members of the House Oversight Committee released the contents of the 238-page “birthday book” this week, obtained from the Epstein estate via subpoena. And there it was, the lewd doodle, exactly as the Journal described in July.
The White House went radio silent for a couple of hours as surrogates undoubtedly jumped on ZipRecruiter to gauge future career opportunities. Then they started throwing hands at reality.
This is fake! This is a hoax! Trump would never sketch boobs without nipples!
MAGA influencers, including Benny Johnson and Charlie Kirk, are basically arguing that someone — maybe George Soros or Hillary Clinton’s pantsuit? — boarded a time machine and went back to 2003 to plant a bawdy forgery in a private birthday book.
Incredibly, the red hats who made a fortune running their yaps about the Epstein coverup for years have clammed up as evidence mounts that Dear Leader is the one now doing the covering and upping.
FBI director Kash Patel must have nightmares about redactions he can’t unsee.
When the story first broke, Trump sued the Wall Street Journal for $10 billion. He claimed to have never dabbled in drawing. Then the internet regurgitated his past doodles, including ones he donated to charity. At the start of the millennium, Trump was producing more art than Banksy.
So the MAGA excuse this week flipped to letters: That is not Trump’s signature!
You don’t need to be a graphologist to conclude that looks suspiciously like Trump’s signature. In terms of pressure points, sharp angles and squished character connection, his cursive is as distinctive as a penguin on neon rollerblades. You can’t tell if the Sharpie zigzags are a human signature or peak-valley line polygraphs on a lie-detector machine when a serial killer is hooked up and asked if he ever saw that missing woman at the gas station.
The lickspittles who remain locked in geosynchronous orbit around the Trump 2.0 death star claim their hero always signs his full name with middle initial. Yeah, dummies, he does as president. You can’t tag a wildly unconstitutional executive order with a smiley-face emoji.
But back in the day, when corresponding with pals, it was often just “Donald.” Besides, his full name would have simulated too much pubic hair on that headless and limbless female torso that looks like Pictogram A in the assembly instructions of a Bergdorf Goodman mannequin.
Here’s what the red hats should consider, even if it’s a decade too late: how much longer do you plan to make utter fools of yourselves by backing a pathological liar? How much more credibility must you sacrifice in the flaming foothills of tribal politics? How many times will you defend the indefensible by taking a blow torch to truth and reality?
Remove that pink tutu and realize the emperor has no clothes.
Everyone should skim the “birthday book.” It reads like a high school yearbook in which the class president turned out to be a monster. There are images of lions mating and Epstein cavorting in pools with topless ingenues and a novelty cheque joke about how he once “sold” Trump a “fully depreciated” young woman for $22,500. I’m assuming it was not Melania.
But, sure, this is all a “Democrat hoax,” even though Epstein was arrested on federal charges, imprisoned and allegedly committed suicide in his cell all during Trump 1.0.
MAGA, you can’t pin any of this on Sleepy Joe or Barack Hussein Obama.
Your fatal allergy to reality has turned you into a lewd doodle.
And the ghost of Jeffrey Epstein is coming for you all.
