A Toronto woman, who asked not to be publicly identified due to ongoing legal issues with her mother’s estate, is detailing what she calls a cruel and illegal order from a long term care home where her mother was staying.
“My mother and I shared a very special bond.” The woman said. “I took my mother in and quit my job to care for her, but as she aged that was no longer possible.”
She and a sibling, who had power of attorney, agreed to set her up at a Scarborough long term care home where her mother would receive around the clock care in March of 2024.
“We both took her there and settled her in and she said, ‘I’m fine. See you tomorrow.’”
But the very next day, when she was planning to visit, she says staff at the home called her.
“The social worker said you no longer have access to your mother. Instructions from the power of attorney. I just about lost it. I broke down.”
Her sibling, who the woman says she’s had a troubled history with, asked the home not to allow her in, using their power of attorney status.
“I could not understand why this happened.” The woman said. “You can only block someone if there’s a restraining order on them or if they’ve demonstrated any level of abuse. But honestly you couldn’t find a better daughter. I loved my mother and she loved me.”
The woman tried to call to speak to her mother but says she was denied that right as well.
“I just felt horrible, like my mother is sitting there probably wondering why I am not visiting her, and I couldn’t even explain to her what was going on.”
That began an exhausting effort by the woman to get some answers. She called the home, its administrator, the Ministry of Long Term Care but nobody was able to get her in. That’s when she hired a lawyer.
“I felt I had no other choice.” She said. “
As soon as the lawyer got involved and contacted the home’s legal team, the woman was finally able to see her mother but only for a restricted amount of time.
“I was given one hour and just me, not my husband or daughter, both of whom also have a very special relationship with my mother.” She said. “During the first visit, were we’re having
a nice time and then the head nurse came in and said ‘your hours up.’ I was upset and asked mom ‘do you want me to leave?’ She said ‘no I don’t want you to leave.’”
The woman, who at this point was now able to call her mom, recorded one of the conversations she shared with Speakers Corner where her mom is heard stating, she did in fact want her daughter to visit. That, coupled with more pressure from the woman’s attorney, prompted the home to change course.
“After that I received apologies from the very people I had reached out to in the beginning of this and I was then given unrestricted access.” She said. “I was so relieved, like finally I am able to spend the entire day with my mother.”
Hours before that was to happen though, her mother sadly passed away.
“I showed up and was told, ‘I’m very sorry to tell you this but your mother died this morning. My first visit that I was allowed unrestricted to finally spend more time with her and I end up spending the day with a dead person in her room, like you couldn’t make this stuff up. It was the worst.” The woman said as she fought back tears recalling that day.
Cases like this are becoming more common in Ontario and across the country says Jane Meadus, with the Advocacy Centre for the Elderly (ACE). Due in part to Long Term Care home staff not understanding the laws put in place.
“The attorney for personal care does not have authority in general to restrict visitors.” Meadus says there are exceptions under Ontario’s Long Term Care Act, such as the visitor demonstrating abuse or neglect.
“Homes and even hospital staff definitely need more education on this topic.” Meadus said. “Often times, they will take instructions from the person who claims to either hold the power of attorney or even from a family member who’s making decisions and say, ‘we don’t want this other person to come in’, and the homes will just likely agree to that, even though it’s in violation.”
ACE works not only to help families who are going through this but also continues to hold seminars with all sectors of healthcare staff, educating them on visitation rights.
Something sorely needed says the woman who decided to speak out about her ordeal.
“Why did I have to hire a lawyer for this? Why did I have to look up the law and explain to my mother that she has the right to choose who visits her, for how long and for when?” She said. I had to end up spending lots of money to fight just to see my own mother. It’s unbelievable and not right.”
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