At least he didn’t strap Franklin to a nuke headed toward Venezuela.
“What is wrong with this guy?” is a question I ask whenever Pete Hegseth runs his Captain Morgan yap or posts unhinged memes. Now he is dragging Canada’s gentle Franklin the Turtle into his narcoterrorism hot mess in the Caribbean?
On Sunday, Hegseth posted a fake book cover: “Franklin Targets Narco Terrorists.”
This is a dramatic mood change from when Franklin fretted about riding a bike without training wheels. Now Franklin is reimagined as a warrior turtle leaning out of a chopper with an RPG on his shelled shoulder as he blows up drug boats
Oh, for Pete’s sake.
Turning Franklin into Rambo jolted Toronto-based Kids Can Press. The publisher released a statement on Monday: “Franklin the Turtle is a beloved Canadian icon who has inspired generations of children and stands for kindness, empathy, and inclusivity. We strongly condemn any denigrating, violent, or unauthorized use of Franklin’s name or image, which directly contradicts these values.”
But why is Hegseth enlisting Franklin?
The SecDef is facing serious trouble. This is markedly different from the woes he once endured when the salon was sold out of Got2b or the bartender shouted, “Last call!”
The Washington Post recently published a story that even Republicans can’t ignore. According to sources with “direct knowledge” of a Sept. 2 military strike on a suspected drug vessel off the coast of Trinidad, Hegseth’s verbal order was to “kill everybody.” Imagine being so cavalier with human life.
A missile hit the boat carrying 11 people. But when the smoke cleared, commanders were shocked by the drone feed: “Two survivors were clinging to the smouldering wreck.”
The men were then summarily executed by a second strike.
A future book title for Hegseth: “Franklin Is on Trial at The Hague.”
It’s impossible to keep track of all the rotten things in Trump 2.0. But even for this depraved bunch, this story is beyond ghastly. Does Hegseth cut loose by kicking kittens?
No matter what superpowers the doofus-in-chief believes were vested in him by the Mind Flayer, America is not at war with Venezuela. Only Congress can authorize war. So if the doomed souls aboard that boat were not enemy combatants, this is murder. Period.
Can you imagine if Venezuela started randomly obliterating pontoons and deck boats off the coast of Florida without due process? The consensus: Murder.
But let’s say those two men were enemy combatants. As they gripped the wreckage, presumably injured from the first strike, they were in a position of surrender. The U.S. military has rules of engagement on how to treat prisoners.
Rule No. 1: Do not kill them. Rule No. 2: Rescue them.
There is a reason the Coast Guard interdicts suspected narcotic boats instead of bombing them from the skies. About 25 per cent of the time, there are no illegal drugs to be found. Just confused humans sipping Coronas and Modelos.
Maybe Hegseth should change his Secretary of War title to Secretary of War Crimes? He is in real trouble this time and not even Caillou as a soldier of fortune can help.
Hegseth has ordered attacks on about 20 boats resulting in about 80 deaths. He has identified zero names. Gustavo Petro, Colombia’s president, did identify Alejandro Carranza. As Petro wrote on X: “The Colombian boat was adrift with a distress signal, its engine raised. (Carranza) had no ties to drug trafficking. His daily activity was fishing.”
No matter. Hegseth continues to run his Jack Daniels yap about the Tren de Aragua gang without providing any proof these targets even belonged to Pokémon’s Team Rocket. Hegseth makes it sound like these shadowy figures were cooking fentanyl inside the Pentagon.
But those boats were hundreds of nautical miles away from America. They were so small, I wouldn’t trust one to ferry me to Centre Island. They’d probably need to refuel 100 times before reaching the U.S. coastline and there are no Esso pumps bobbing in the ocean.
America’s great experiment in democracy is now in the venal hands of slick douchebags like Pete Hegseth? That’s like entrusting future CRISPR research to Kristi Noem when what she really wants to do is train Babar to stomp refugees.
After less than a year, Trump 2.0 is a radioactive swirl of incompetence, grift, illegality and hypocrisy. How can this ghoul in the White House be serious about a “war on drugs” when he just pardoned the ex-president of Honduras? Juan Hernández was convicted last year in a massive cocaine trafficking operation.
That’s like declaring a “war on cancer” and then giving every child free cigarettes.
America is at a crossroads and Inspector Gadget doesn’t have a secret GPS.
Republicans can start to do their jobs and impose congressional oversight on this madness. Or they can keep feigning river blindness and ignore Pete Hegseth’s snuff films in the Caribbean.
Just leave Franklin out of it.
