Doug Wallace is a Toronto-based lifestyle writer and editor-publisher of TravelRight.Today. He is a consummate entertainer and social convener with strong opinions — and razor-sharp common sense. Ask your lifestyle etiquette questions at [email protected].
I remember barrelling my way through a bowl of lobster poutine that wasn’t really agreeable; the gravy globular and the crustacean cold. I didn’t bother telling the waiter, but in hindsight, I should have. Interestingly, the restaurant is no longer in business.
Wherever you land on the scale of this dining situation, from radical acceptance to zero tolerance, there’s a right and a wrong way to deal with any kind of problem.
Who should complain
The person eating the plate in question should always do the talking. Anyone else makes it seem like an admonition.
How to complain
Get the server’s attention and explain the issue as quickly as possible. Do this quietly and directly at his elbow, even if it means beckoning him over to your side of the table. There’s no need to involve your whole party.
Have a preferred solution in mind, whether that’s fixing the dish in some way or ordering something else. If it’s the latter, be prepared to wait, and don’t choose something that will take forever to cook, like the chicken. And be polite; shirtiness is unnecessary (usually, anyway).
Is someone at fault?
Whether it’s a server or kitchen error, anything to do with accuracy or quality falls on the restaurant to make good, naturally.
“This is not what I ordered,” “This is overdone” or “I asked if you could do this without anchovies, and you said yes, yet here we are” — these are legit grievances.
Or do you just not like it?
Personal mismatches happen, but sending back a dish that is prepared correctly and as described on the menu puts the onus on you. Summon all the charm you can muster and say, “Sorry, this is not what I was expecting. Any chance I could try something else?”
The restaurant will likely endeavour to accommodate you; they want all their guests to have a pleasant experience. But you need to be as apologetic as possible to rectify your problem, and you need to not have eaten half of the meal already.
Bide the time with grace
If waiting for your replacement dish while everyone is eating bothers you, have another piece of bread. Resist the urge to pilfer someone’s French fries. Above all, remember that calmness in the face of calamity always wins the day.
