Fake celebrity stories now come in several sub-genres.
There are death hoaxes. There are false casting rumours. There are the made-up oddball antics. No, Justin Bieber does not sit alone on park benches to devour burritos by first biting into the middle. No, Leo DiCaprio did not once rent out a theatre and force a nubile date to watch every “Star Wars” flick as he battled invisible villains with a monogrammed lightsaber.
The latest fake story involves a celebrity breakup: Justin Trudeau and Jagmeet Singh. Whoops, wrong breakup. The latest fake story involves a celebrity breakup: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, a couple more powerful than the Large Hadron Collider.
It all started on Reddit. A poster shared images of what was allegedly a confidential document titled, “Comprehensive Media Plan for Travis Kelce’s Public Relations Following Breakup With Taylor Swift.” The letterhead was emblazoned with Full Scope, an L.A. agency that represents Mr. Kelce. The documents provided a strategic outline for how to deal with the breakup, allegedly to be announced on Sept. 28.
The problem? Not real. As Full Scope noted in a statement to media: “These documents are entirely false and fabricated and were not created, issued or authorized by this agency. We have engaged our legal team to initiate proceedings against the individuals or entities responsible for the unlawful and injurious forgery of documents.”
Good luck with that. The post has been deleted. Trying to unmask a Redditor is like trying to catch a salamander with your mouth. But if you do nab the culprit, don’t be surprised if he is a 40-year-old gamer who collects vinyl and reeks of Doritos and Michelob Ultra.
First of all, the scores who fell for this deceit need to wear helmets in the bathroom so they don’t hurt themselves. Why would Taylor & Travis stage a relationship for the PR? She’s already the biggest star in the universe. If anything, she probably yearns for just one hour without coverage.
She is gawked at daily more than the Mona Lisa.
Also, these two are clearly in love. You can see it in their eyes and PDAs. This relationship is just a year old. Given her gruelling touring schedule, that’s about three months of together time on a normie calendar. Every new union is thrilling and carefree when you are getting to know someone. The challenges only start after you know everything.
Ms. Swift is now the leading target for fake news and the motivation is political. It’s why the dipsticks on Fox News routinely float conspiracies, including wondering if she is a secret agent to help the Democrats win the election. Is Taylor a Deep State psy-op? Is Travis a bearded shill for Big Pharma? Is the music and football an elaborate ruse to cover for the diabolical fact the two are disciples of Bill Gates, George Soros and the Illuminati?
According to a poll that came out earlier this year from Monmouth University, one third of Republicans believe Swift is involved in a covert government program. Crazy. Can you imagine if one third of NDP voters believed The Weeknd was a shape-shifting alien?
The red hats view Swift with fear and loathing because they know her cult is way larger and much better organized than their cult. MAGA is no match for the Swifties. Donald Trump is so terrified Swift will endorse Kamala Harris, he’s sharing deepfake photos of the singer’s fans wearing “Swifties for Trump” shirts.
Trump wants a Swift endorsement more than Melania wants a divorce.
So here’s my advice to the singer: belt out an October surprise.
Endorse Harris and encourage your army of fans to vote, to realize the stakes of this election. You can’t sit this one out, Tay-Tay. You need to use your voice for the sake of humanity. Write a campaign song for Harris. Headline a fundraising concert. Get involved. Do something.
As an added bonus, once you take a stand, the conspiracy theories will vanish. Game over. The conspiracies pop up because MAGA knows you can tip the political scales with the bridge of your guitar.
They are trying to intimidate you into silence.
Taylor & Travis are not breaking up this month. My hope is their love outlasts the cosmos. Let them grow old together. I want to live long enough to know that Travis is lumbering around with a tube of Voltaren Emulgel Back & Muscle Pain in his pocket as he copes with the after-effects of a punishing NFL career. I want to see paparazzi snaps of Taylor, reading glasses dangling around her neck, decades after she ditches the thigh-high boots and bedazzled one-pieces for cardigans and sensible flannel.
Until then, there is a crucial song she can sing: endorse Kamala Harris.
