In the future, a tiny robot cat will perch on your mug and blow on your hot tea.
Your indoor plants will talk and let you know when they need watering. Your suitcase will double as a motorized scooter, turning airport terminals into bumper cars. A disembodied AI voice in your dashboard will place your takeout order before you arrive at the drive-thru. A bathroom mirror will scan your body for disease. You will be surrounded by robots and holograms.
CES 2025 has been unfolding this week in Las Vegas. Billed as “the most powerful tech event in the world,” the trade show is basically a Coachella for the nerds and innovators who will shape tomorrow. And if some offerings and concepts at this year’s edition are predictive, the future looks weird.
Let’s begin with the Kirin Electric Salt Spoon, which sounds like the name of an ’80s garage band. This Japanese utensil uses an electrical current that “enhances the salty taste perceived when eating low-sodium foods.”
So now a green bean can taste like a Dorito?
I don’t know anything about gustatory voltage so I will quote from USA Today: “Kirin’s Electric Salt Spoon asks, ‘What if you wanted more salt on your food but were open to a mild electric shock instead?’”
Yes. What if you wanted rhubarb to taste like chocolate but were open to a mild concussion instead?
On the upside, with a bunch of these spoons, you could Tase an intruder who breaks into your kitchen as you are tricking your tongue into believing that bland turkey burger is a Ball Park Frank. But why a spoon and not a fork? How are you supposed to eat steak with a spoon?
Here’s a free idea for a nerd to run with: the Drone Feeder. It’s for people who are too exhausted to eat on their own after a long day. The Drone Feeder uses food sensing tech to hover over the plate and scoop up a bite. Then it flies to the laggard sprawled on the couch and drops the sustenance in their open mouth like a mother bird.
Speaking of animals, here’s another product that seems a bit much: the Purobot Ultra is promoted as the “world’s first AI-powered automatic cat litter box with camera.” It boasts “in-app health insights,” “infrared night vision” and “multi-cat facial recognition.”
The surveillance state has come for Simba. Look, I love my cats. I love all cats. But do we really need footage of them going No. 1 and No. 2 texted to our phones during a business meeting? Do our kitties not deserve privacy when they are stinking up the joint? Must they be made to feel like furry outlaws when they are scratching around their feline latrines?
Also, this high-tech poop den costs $899 — my toilet was like 300 bucks!
I am increasingly concerned about the tech emphasis on convenience that is robbing us of former skills and muscle memory. I once read a physical map to get around town. Now GPS Lady gives me the turn-by-turns. I once opened the door to see how cold it was outside. Now Alexa tells me. Apple organizes my social calendar. My watch is my doctor. My laptop is my god.
We are so eager to not do anything for ourselves that now … there is a robot that will brush your child’s teeth? The Willo AutoFlo looks like a karaoke microphone little Susie rams into her mouth so the OptiClean brush can make like a car wash on her incisors, canines and molars.
Shouldn’t Susie learn to brush her own teeth?
The organizing principle of Big Tech comes down to three words: I need that. And that’s why CES 2025 is both fascinating and frightening every year.
A fridge that cooks? A transparent TV? A selfie hologram in a box that can Zoom? Smart ear-cleaning headphones? I don’t need a robot that can pick up my socks — I just need it to not kill me after the uprising.
A “modular flying car” was also unveiled this week. It looks neat until you remember the way so many people already drive on land. Do we want a future in which people are crash landing in our backyards because they got distracted playing “Grand Theft Auto” at 5,000 feet? I don’t get this instinct to go up. Elon Musk is obsessed with terraforming Mars. Wouldn’t it be easier to use his peerless wealth to keep Earth inhabitable?
Forget CES, the world yearns for a CSE — Common Sense Expo.
If you need a gaming chair that warms and cools your derrière, you’re spending too much time on a screen. If you need an AI Spice Dispenser, avoid cooking. If you need your smartwatch to be a remote control, it’s time to pick up a book.
Hang on. A smart bird bath that snaps photos and identifies species?
