Dear MAGA:
We’ve had a rough ride over the last decade. I’ve written mean things about you. You’ve emailed mean things to me. It’s a hostile standoff in which I unfairly label you as dipsticks and you casually wish for my death in a fiery car crash.
Bygones! With the U.S. election less than 100 hours away, I come to you with an olive branch and one question: Can you survive a Trump 2.0?
As the Washington Post reported in 2021: “No other modern president has left the U.S. with a smaller workforce than it had when they took office.” Politico: “America’s trade gap soared under Trump.” FactCheck.org: “The federal debt held by the public went up, from $14.4 trillion to $21.6 trillion.” The Atlantic: “Trump is the worst president in history.”
Three more counterfactuals to his revisionist history: “Illegal immigration increased.” “Coal production declined 26.5 per cent.” “The murder rate rose to the highest level since 1997.”
I know, I know. It’s like discovering Aquaman can’t swim.
But forget what I say. Focus on what your hero says.
Trump plans to impose across-the-board tariffs. Why? Because he does not grasp trade economics. Listening to him ramble about tariffs is like listening to Britney Spears explain nuclear fusion. Spoiler alert: China won’t be giving America millions. The tariffs will be slapped on you. A regressive sales tax is notional until you’re paying $70 for underwear.
Trump plans to deport millions of people who are currently embedded in the economy. You might love the idea. You’ll like it less if agriculture collapses from the loss of manpower and a quart of strawberries suddenly shoots up to $30.
Trump doesn’t care about what you pay so long as you still have a few bucks left for him. Think about his campaign this year. Has he released a detailed policy plan that lays out his vision for a second term of shared prosperity? Or has he spent most of his time hawking merch?
The man is a human infomercial: gold sneakers, fake Swiss watches, worthless NFTs, digital trading cards, posters, commemorative coins, “Victory 47” cologne, cigar ashtrays, corkscrews, heathered throws and more gaudy hats than can be found at the Ascot Racecourse.
Trump doesn’t care about you. He only cares about what he can sneak out of your wallet. This was always a one-way street. Has he ever opened up Mar-a-Lago and invited you to a free Sunday brunch? You subscribe to his emails. How many times does he hit you up for cash? How many times does he try to terrify you instead of improve your life?
On Wednesday, Kamala Harris was campaigning at the Pennsylvania Farm Show Complex & Expo Center in Harrisburg, about a 10-minute drive from where I spent many childhood summers. Her uplifting, inclusive, centrist message was a balm for the soul compared to the doom-and-gloom smoothies your guy has been blending since 2015.
I’m reminded of a 2016 Trump rally in Akron, Ohio. You should go watch it just to see how easy it is to time-swap the names and themes of his grievances and false accusations: Kamala for Hillary, Colorado crime for Chicago crime, Deep State for, well, more Deep State.
What was clear then, as now, is this guy is powered by seething rage.
He invents monsters and insists only he can slay them. Then he invents a new monster. He frightens you but never soothes you with action. If Trump were your doctor, he’d lie and say you have incurable cancer and then walk out to freak out his next patient.
Living under this cloud of dread and wrath is not good for your health.
Trump isn’t just fleecing you with junk merch — he’s stealing your humanity.
I mention Akron because that city welcomed my parents when they were 20-something postgrads who boarded a plane for the first time and left India. Their new neighbours were kind, lovely and beyond helpful. My parents were two immigrants who had never even experienced winter. Their neighbours helped them adjust. Their neighbours cared. Their neighbours did not look at them sideways and wonder if they might eat the cats and dogs.
That’s when America Was Great. That’s when America Was Not Angry.
So a final plea: Make America Sane Again.
I get that you have real concerns. But unless you’re a billionaire, Trump doesn’t care about them. He’s transactional. He will ghost you after snagging your vote. He brags about stripping away a woman’s right to control her body. He’s still obsessed with tanking Obamacare. Hurry up and schedule that hip surgery just in case he wins. He wants to imprison his political enemies and shutter the Department of Education.
Why? As Trump once said, “I love the poorly educated.”
What an insult. Vote smart and make him eat his words.
