The world is going to hell in a made-in-America handbasket.
It feels that way as the Most Idiotic Trade War in History rumbles to life. Congrats, red hats! It seems you voted for $25 cartons of eggs and SUVs that will soon cost an extra $10,000. You thought gas prices were bad under Joe Biden? Just wait until that next fill-up is $200. Or you’re burning Froot Loop boxes in the fireplace because your heating bill exceeds a Pentagon line item.
And all thanks to your doofus-in-chief.
But believe it or not, there are glimmers of hope in these dark times. Thanks to Tariff Man’s insanity and his schoolgirl crush on Vladimir Putin, conservative media are finally starting to slowly back out of the MAGA big top before they are trampled by the rodeo clowns.
Fox’s Mark Levin, who would harvest his own organs without anesthesia if his superhero ever needed a kidney, broke with Trump and sided with Ukraine recently. Other Fox stars have also made it clear America’s new Putin-on-the-ritz is a stadium extravaganza with only obstructed seating.
The Friday ambush of Ukraine president Volodymyr Zelenskyy was the most shameful event in Oval Office history. And I’m including Richard Nixon and anything Bill Clinton may have done with his pants yanked down.
Mr. Zelenskyy was berated and infantilized like he was a bratty toddler at TGI Friday’s. He was asked why he is not grateful, even though the poor guy has thanked America over the last three years more than all Oscar-winning actors combined have ever thanked the academy.
He is trying to save his country from a barbaric invasion. What did you want him to do, JD Vance? Gently kiss Trump’s forehead and empty his wallet into a tip jar so you can buy more eyeliner?
Then there was Marjorie Taylor Greene’s boyfriend, Brian Glenn, an alleged journalist who demanded to know why Zelenskyy was not wearing a suit. Yeah, Volodymyr! Why didn’t you hit up a Brooks Brothers as the bombs were falling? Why can’t you dress like Glenn, a fellow who has the visage of a middle-aged squeegee kid about to stroke out? Don’t you know the Oval Office mandates sartorial respect? This is why Elon Musk always looks like he is going to a Grateful Dead concert in 1972 with his pot dealer.
I hope real conservatives can see through Vance’s smears. I hope real conservatives can differentiate themselves from a MAGA kook like Glenn who is to geopolitics as girlfriend MTG is to quantum physics.
Conservatives know Friday was a despicable setup. There may be mass firings at the Kremlin. Why finance propaganda when the White House will spread Moscow talking points for free? I kept waiting for Tucker Carlson to rappel into the Oval Office to give Zelenskyy an atomic wedgie.
Real conservatives understand what is happening right now.
In addition to the self-destructive tariffs, Trump also “paused” military aid to Ukraine this week. This led British MP Graham Stuart to write on X: “We have to consider the possibility that President Trump is a Russian asset. If so, Trump’s acquisition is the crowning achievement of Putin’s FSB career — and Europe is on its own.”
It does seem strange. America is antagonizing allies while giving Putin foot rubs? In recent days, Trump has called for regime change in … Kyiv. He has ordered his Cyber Command to stop engaging with the Russian enemy and pretend Putin is like the Little Mermaid. Trump is trying to roll back sanctions on Russia and is voting with the authoritarian regime at the UN.
The only thing he hasn’t done yet is send Melania to give Vlad a Strip-O-Gram.
But when the Wall Street Journal is banging a warning gong about tariffs and the National Review is defending Ukraine in no uncertain terms, the doofus-in-chief has put himself in quite a pickle. When the markets are nosediving and captains of industry are lunging for the Pepto-Bismol, that’s a wrap.
Donald Trump believes he is omniscient. He still doesn’t know how tariffs work.
I’m not saying he is a Russian asset, mostly because I doubt the Soviet Deep State would invest the time and money to cultivate an agent who believes windmills cause cancer. But conservative media can no longer pretend Trump is not an existential threat to democracy and the postwar world order.
Come into the light, my conservative friends. Get on the right side of history.
You are still free to make the libs cry in the culture war sandbox. But you know the war in Ukraine transcends partisan politics. You know there are no winners in a trade war. You know the doofus-in-chief is a ticking time bomb that threatens every value you once cherished.
Speak out before Donald Trump slaps a tariff on your self-respect.
