Was that Emmanuel Macron or Pete “Maverick” Mitchell speaking at Davos?
Sunglasses never make headlines at the World Economic Forum. The president of France changed that after his speech on Tuesday: “Why Was Macron Wearing Sunglasses at Davos?” “Why Are Emmanuel Macron’s Aviators Suddenly Trending?” “Emmanuel Macron Had a Good Reason For Wearing Sunglasses. But Did He Have To Go Full ‘Top Gun?’”
Yes, Esquire, yes he did.
Let’s face it: Macron looked badass wearing blue aviators while addressing a crowd of politicos, mandarins and snooty billionaires who yearn to be cool.
Anyone can wear sunglasses outside. Indoors? That’s a flex.
Yes, Macron donned the accessory due to a burst blood vessel and presumably after stylists warned against an eye patch. And, yes, he looked like Tom Cruise in “Top Gun: Multilateralism.” But even when he was making benign statements — “We do prefer respect to bullies” — those blue mirrors concealing his retinas gave his words a tint of high-def menace and conviction.
Macron usually has the vibe of a Camembert connoisseur.
Those designer specs turned him into a freedom fighter.
Davos is a place where the movers and shakers arrive in private jets to solemnly discuss inequality or the bond markets before retiring to chalets to sip vintage scotch in costumes out of a Patagonia catalogue. The Swiss air is thin, though not as thin as the moral certitude on display.
But as we saw on Tuesday, sunglasses block out the pretence and put a focus on the message. By hiding his eyes, Macron’s aviators made everyone see his words. And it worked.
Donald Trump, who stares into a solar eclipse, tried to mock Emmanuel’s sunglasses on Wednesday. But he seemed baffled as to why his French counterpart looked like Tony Stark before Iron Man suits up to battle flying monsters who entered the atmosphere from a rip in the space-time continuum.
“What the hell happened?” is all Trump could muster about Macron’s look.
He only asks that question when he is scared. If Melania ever wandered into the Lincoln Bedroom in a Ghostface mask and a barbed-wire garter, an ashen Trump would sit up in bed and nervously shout, “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?”
Have you ever chatted with someone who is wearing sunglasses indoors? There’s a roadblock when you can’t see eyes. Social cues are muted. Emotional reactions become guessing games. Non-verbal communication is tricky.
This is why every leader of every democracy should now sport sunglasses 24/7 to freak out the malevolent and easily spooked clowns inside Trump 2.0. Stock up at LensCrafters and keep Trump off balance.
What happened after Macron wore sunglasses? Trump pivoted and said he would not take Greenland by force, even if he still thinks the Danish territory is a listing on Zillow and he is in an imaginary bidding war against China and Russia.
Our guy, Mark Carney, delivered a rousing speech that earned global praise and a rare standing ovation at Davos. I was so proud to be Canadian. That was a pitch-perfect speech that contextualized these perilous times while pointedly blaming Washington.
Agent Orange was not amused. As Trump said on Wednesday: “I watched your prime minister yesterday. He wasn’t so grateful. But they should be grateful to us, Canada. Canada lives because of the United States. Remember that Mark, the next time you make your statements.”
Now imagine if Carney had donned the Persol Ratti 58230 shades Arnold Schwarzenegger sported in “Terminator 2: Judgment Day.” Trump wouldn’t have said a word about the speech. If anything, he would have lifted the tariffs and sent Carney a friendship bracelet.
Those aviators didn’t just conceal Macron’s bloodshot eye — they turned him into a pop cultural archetype. When the memes go from Bond villain to Parisian fashionista, your eyewear is doing a lot of heavy lifting on the world stage.
Leaders of the free world: When the future is dark, wear shades.
German Chancellor Friedrich Merz should make all public appearances in Wayfarers. British Prime Minister Keir Starmer should loot Elton John’s walk-in glasses closet and pick out a few sequined round-rectangle hybrids that will surely give Trump a panic attack.
Italy’s Giorgia Meloni would be intimidating in upswept cat-eye frames as she threatens to cut off all Ferrari and Ducati exports to America. For Sanae Takaichi, Japan’s prime minister, I recommend a geometric browline with opaque crimson lenses that are up for interpretation: Mother of Pearl or Pearl Harbour?
Justin Trudeau might still be PM had he focused on Ray-Bans more than socks.
What in tarnation made him think he could lead in argyle hosiery?
Now that the G7 has effectively become the G6 as America has an identity crisis and reinvents with authoritarian fantasies, it’s time for all other leaders to wear sunglasses indoors until the proverbial sun is shining again.
The world can’t reason with Donald Trump in daylight.
But we can creep him out by hiding our eyes.
