It’s a good thing I don’t ask for tips.
After that column on Justin Trudeau’s selfie at Canadian Tire, angry readers would have cracked me over the head with my tip jar. I haven’t received that much hate mail since trashing Michelle Rodriguez’s performance on “Lost.”
So let’s lower the temp and discuss tipping.
According to an H&R Block survey this month, 94 per cent of Canadians feel “tipping has gotten out-of-hand,” while 90 per cent believe “gratuities are too high.” This tracks with previous polls on “tipflation” and “tip creep,” which sounds like a sly flasher in a trench coat at the park.
From the survey: “While 30% of Canadians say they support a strong tip culture, recognizing it’s a key part of income for service industry workers in Canada, the vast majority appear to have extreme tip fatigue — both with expectations around gratuity amounts and with the extent of services that now prompt for a gratuity.”
In recent years, the online commentariat has swapped tales about strange places now soliciting tips. Auto body shop. Florist. Movie ticket counter. Dermatologist office. Farmers market. Tow truck driver. Psychics. Car wash. Convenience store … Funeral home?
“Grandma looked fantastic. It’s like she was about to talk. Please give $50 to the embalmer.”
I do find it odd when the credit card machine starts with a tip prompt on a takeout order. Excuse me, I purchased this food online from your fine establishment. I did not interact with a paid employee. I did not require table service. I walked over to pick up this bag of grub.
If anything, you guys should be tipping me!
Dads should get tips. Think about it. How is fatherhood not in the service industry? We change diapers. We fold laundry. We run errands. We log more road miles than an Uber driver. We sit through school concerts. We tutor. And not once does a child leave us a gratuity.
What are we to do about tipping culture in Canada? Strictly speaking, it is voluntary. But it does feel increasingly coercive. A few years ago, 15 per cent was considered a good tip. Now those machines often start at 18 and go to 22. By 2030, a 40 per cent tip will make you a cheapskate.
This trajectory explains the backlash. In the H&R Block survey, Canadians said the “appropriate average” tip should be level-set at nine per cent. I don’t know. If you left nine per cent at most Toronto bistros today, you’d get monumental stink-eye from the maître d’ as you ambled out the doors.
The busboy would be throwing cutlery.
But why are we expected to tip after lining up for a hot dog at Rogers Centre or buying a cocktail before a theatre show? They’re already charging me 30 bucks for a martini. The tickets were highway robbery. Pay your staff a living wage so they do not depend on the change in my couch.
Combine tipflation with tip creep and we may soon need lines of credit for gratuitous gratuities.
I was doing some yard work out front last summer when an Amazon driver pulled up. He walked over and handed me a box. I thanked him. Then he said, “Is there anything else I can do?”
I was tempted to hand him a shovel and say, “Dig up that dead bush.”
Instead, somewhat disoriented, I stammered, “Ah, no. Thank you again.”
After, I was wondering if he expected a tip. I could be misreading this scene. Maybe he was a serial killer hoping to lure me into his van. But I’ll make a prediction. At some point, companies like Amazon will start asking if you want to tip the driver when you are checking out — and you will.
I am a good tipper because I am a guilt tipper. I see these servers running around with their hair on fire, toiling all night like they are in salt mines. I imagine they rely on tips to pay rent. Hopefully, the owners do not snatch those tips. Maybe there’s a tronc and the servers pool their cheddar.
This leaves my wallet in a vulnerable psychological state when the bill arrives.
Someone could pour scalding soup on my crotch and they’d still get 20 per cent.
We should copy France. All the servers get paid decent salaries and a flat fee — I think it was 15 per cent when I was there two years ago — is automatically added to the cheque. You don’t need to do any mental math or resent the cascade of extortionary options before typing in your PIN.
Justin Trudeau, no hard feelings. I was writing tongue-in-cheek. You are welcome to come over anytime. I will teach you how to make spectacular crepes. Your kids will love them.
I will not expect a tip. I may even lend you a blazer.
