It started innocently enough with some yellow lingerie.
Margaret* had been dating Justin* for almost two years in Toronto when he stopped offering to pay for their dinners out. The only thing he would happily buy for her was highlighter yellow lingerie — multiple different types of it.
One day, Margaret looked through her boyfriend’s phone. “There were Instagram DMs from someone named Andrea, some OnlyFans girl,” she said. It took just one look at Andrea’s social media for Margaret to understand what had gone awry in her relationship. “He would only have sex with me when I looked like this girl,” Margaret said. “Her Twitter was filled with photos of her in highlighter yellow lingerie.”
OnlyFans is a content subscription service with 305 million subscribers as of 2023, up 27 per cent from the year prior. Used largely for pay-to-watch adult content, it has been praised for allowing sex workers to set their own prices, control their own schedules, and earn income directly from subscribers without relying on exploitative studios or intermediaries.
OnlyFans creators often sell personalized content to their subscribers, who can directly message and interact with them. This unique feature has sent some users down the path of preoccupation, even obsession — some are calling it a new form of porn addiction.
Jonah*, a 32-year-old Ontarian, cut himself off from using OnlyFans after spending thousands of dollars on the app over four years. “I don’t want to know the actual number, but I know it was in the thousands,” he said. “I think about things I could have done with that money instead — travelled, or something more responsible.”
Jonah was initially drawn to the site when one of his favourite porn stars advertised her page online. “I like the idea of being able to interact with [a porn star] directly, being able to message with her and order custom videos.”
Though he knows those “custom” messages are often actually mass-distributed and sometimes even written by hired copywriters, he said the “quasi-personal element” still seeped through. But then the shine wore off. “The parasocial relationships I had with these women, where I knew who they were but they didn’t know who I was, started to feel very empty,” he said. “After a while, it just didn’t feel as if there was a lot of value or adrenalin left to have.”
Cynthia*, who lives in Montreal, discovered a charge to OnlyFans on her shared credit card with her husband of 21 years. “He said he was just checking it out, and I let it go, but then things started to get weird,” she recalled. Months later, another charge appeared, this time for $100.
When Cynthia filed for divorce after discovering her husband had also been addicted to drugs, she found out he’d spent thousands on OnlyFans over the years — enough that some months, she’d had trouble making their mortgage payments. “It kills me to hear people joke about starting an account to raise money because this s—t messes with your head,” she said. “It wasn’t OnlyFans that destroyed our marriage, but it was definitely part of the problem.”
Marissa*, a 28-year-old Canadian OnlyFans creator, has seen such behaviour firsthand. “I’ve had customers message me in a panic because they need content and they’re on their last 10 dollars in their bank account,” she said. “People confess to me that they’re in credit card debt they cannot pay because they can’t stop [watching my videos]. Some customers drop thousands of dollars on content in one week.”
Marissa sometimes refuses to sell content to people she knows are choosing her one-minute video over eating dinner that day. “They thank me for denying them, but 20 minutes later, they try to bargain again,” she said. “[They’ll say], ‘What if I just got something on your menu for five dollars?’”
Another Canadian OnlyFans creator, 19-year-old Kayla*, began to notice the app’s addictiveness when one of her regular subscribers, who worked a low-level office job, started paying her $1,000 a month, plus regular gifts. When she asked him how he could afford it, he told her he’d started taking out loans.
After five months and thousands of dollars, Kayla woke up to a message from the client saying he had dug himself too deep into a financial hole and needed to stop. After that, he blocked her. “This man in his mid-40s made me feel like I was his friend,” Kayla said. “He shared personal parts of his life with me: his divorce, his kids, his career.”
While the impulsive spending was his own responsibility, Kayla feels the platform is at fault as well: “OnlyFans drives these lonely men further into addiction. The app is always pushing to the ‘next big thing’ that’s just one payment, one subscription, one pay-per-view away, when in reality, all these women are the same.”
Since OnlyFans took off, some men in their prime dating years — 20s and 30s — seem to be less interested in seeking in-person romantic connections. “OnlyFans offers instant gratification without risking the vulnerability that comes with actual intimacy,’’ said Niloufar Esmaeilpour, a registered clinical counsellor at Hamilton’s Lotus Therapy and Counselling Centre. “They’ll say, ‘Why go through the stress of dating when I can just log in and feel desirable?’”
But this approach does not come without cost. “The ability to handle emotional closeness, conflict, and evolution as a couple can atrophy over time,’’ Esmaeilpour said, adding that OnlyFans addicts often struggle more with the rejection and compromise that real relationships require.
In more extreme cases, it could contribute to sexual dysfunction, such as problems with arousal or performance with a partner. “Users become so accustomed to highly stimulating, curated content,” Esmaeilpour said. “It’s not uncommon for someone to compare their partner to creators they follow, which erodes self-esteem and intimacy in the relationship.”
Like many obsessions, OnlyFans addiction can be a sign of deeper inner turmoil for which a person can get help. ‘’Beneath the behaviour is almost always a part of the person trying to cope, soothe or feel something they don’t feel elsewhere: valued, desired, in control, and less alone. Therapy helps explore what the behaviour is protecting,’’ said Ken Fierheller of Alberta’s One Life Counselling and Coaching. “From there, people can start to heal the root causes, reconnect with themselves, and rebuild the capability for authentic intimacy.”
*Names have been changed upon request.
