A bad marriage. A terrible room mate (or a few). An unsafe environment. Stuck with an ex. Abusive or disrespectful landlord or tenant relationship.
If you’re feeling trapped in a toxic living situation and it’s impacting your well-being, the decision to stay or move is about much more than money — your health needs to be considered, too. Here are some coping strategies and a few practical tips as you ready yourself for what’s next.
Don’t delay
You’ve tried to be objective in your assessment of the situation and any way you slice and dice it, you’ve got to move. Planning your exit strategy means wrapping your arms around your financial capacity to secure new, non-problematic housing. There are three essential to-dos on this front and by taking action on all three, you’ll feel your stress level lighten.
First is building up enough savings to pull this off. This money is typically used for a deposit on a new rental, moving costs and startup costs for new utility services in your new space. If you were offsetting high rent by splitting with someone else, these savings might be used to subsidize now having to take on the full load of paying rent.
Whatever you can do to stash money into your savings account (not a joint one if the whole premise is leaving your spouse), do it. This could be trimming back on every nook and cranny of unnecessary spending, selling things you own on Facebook Marketplace or Kijiji, converting your loyalty points into cash, doing all your benefits claims and returns, carving a portion of every pay off the top and transferring it into a savings account. Be ruthless about prioritizing savings.
Especially if you’re in an unsafe urgent situation, ask friends or family for help in coming up with the savings. It’s normal to stay with someone you trust in this kind of situation — sometimes for many months while you build savings to launch independently. These people are also your support network in this tricky situation, and can help keep you motivated.
Second is making a plan to increase your income. Consider picking up a side gig, freelancing, taking on extra shifts, asking your adult child who’s living at home to contribute, rent out your garage or storage, or exploring new job opportunities to boost your income. If you’re due for a raise or promotion, ask for it. Every increase can help you save faster and afford a better living arrangement sooner. It takes time to boost income, so get started, and plan on saving any extra money earned.
Third is building a completely new budget based on your ideal new living situation. You’ll scan the market carefully and input realistic new costs for rent/mortgage, utilities, insurance and even groceries if you’re not splitting with anyone anymore. This will give you clear insights into what your new housing scenario will cost, and then you can think through strategies to make it as affordable as possible, and let it inform precisely the kinds of new places you’ll go to see.
Next steps
If after the budget exercise it’s clear that you’ll need to reduce your rent rate expectations by $500, that changes the kind of properties you’ll look at, or makes it clear how much you’ll need to ensure your side hustle brings in. It could be the impetus to research options like nomadic living, house-sitting, co-living arrangements, or subsidized housing programs.
Budgeting also allows you to establish a timeline for when you can realistically move to a better situation.
Sometimes, you’ll just need to make the most of it until you can afford to move. The priority is to try to improve your current environment as much as possible so that you can reduce stress. That could mean setting boundaries with exes, roommates, landlords or neighbours. It could mean changing your schedule so you’re home less, or organizing your space to make it more calming.
Your current situation is temporary so long as you take concrete and deliberate steps to ready yourself to move. Keep your long-term goals in mind — your plan will offer up a great deal of hope in what feels like a bleak situation.
