Q: My common-law spouse and I made a lot of financial arrangements over text message when things were still good between us. We discussed things like how we’d split house expenses, how much he’d contribute to daycare, and even promises about paying me back for money I lent him. Now that we’re separating, he says none of that “counts” because it wasn’t in a formal agreement. Can I use those texts and emails as proof if we go to court?
A: You’d be surprised at how common this question is. These days, many financial promises between couples, especially during the early days of separation, are made quickly and informally through text messages, emails or direct messages. The first thing to understand is that Ontario family courts regularly accept digital messages as evidence.
If the messages clearly came from your ex, are relevant, and haven’t been altered, a judge will look at them. Screenshots, email chains and even downloaded message logs show up in court files all the time. However, the fact that something is admissible doesn’t automatically mean the court will enforce what was said.
Things become complicated when the subject matter is family related. Unlike other contracts, financial agreements between separating partners are held to a higher standard. Courts prefer to see full financial disclosure, clarity of terms, and independent legal advice before treating an arrangement as binding. This is why many text-based “deals” fall apart. The conversation may show an intention to co-operate, but not an intention to form a legally enforceable domestic contract. A text promising spousal support, for example, might be seen as a starting point for negotiation, not a final agreement reached with proper protection.
All of this demonstrates the risks of informal “kitchen table agreements” made in good faith, but without the benefit of legal advice or full disclosure. They feel easier and friendlier at the time, but when the relationship breaks down, one person may say the deal was unfair, rushed or misunderstood. Courts can and do set aside family agreements that don’t meet the required standards.
The best step you can take now is to organize and preserve the text messages and back them up in a safe place. Next, speak with a family lawyer who can review the communication and advise you on whether the messages support an enforceable claim or simply strengthen your position in negotiations. Even if the texts themselves don’t form a binding agreement, they may help you reach a fair, formal separation agreement that reflects what both of you intended before things became contentious.
In short, the texts themselves won’t be enforced as a legally binding agreement, but they can be powerful evidence. They help show what was discussed, what was promised, and how each of you handled financial matters during the relationship.
While a judge won’t treat those messages as a substitute for a proper separation agreement, your family lawyer can use them as a road map to negotiate or draft one that is legally sound, comprehensive and enforceable. Although the messages don’t “count” in the way your ex suggests, they still play an important role in protecting your financial interests as you move forward.
