Still looking for a New Year’s resolution? How about holotropic breathing?
This respiratory technique may prove valuable in 2025. The calendar only flipped a week ago and the news machine is panting. The big headline arrived at a press conference on Monday that was devoid of sunny ways. Justin Trudeau will resign and prorogue Parliament, a fancy way of saying “give democracy a time out.”
Breathe. Hold it in. Exhale. Elevate your consciousness.
Knowing when to leave a party is a life hack — especially a political party.
Why did Trudeau wait this long to abdicate the throne when polls showed he’d now lose an election to Don Cherry’s dog? Ego is a hell of a drug. So now his party needs to find a new leader before St. Patrick’s Day. They might as well throw names in a hat and pray they pull out “Ryan Reynolds.”
The Liberals are looking as doomed as the Branch Davidians.
In normal times, a PM resignation would be a domestic matter. But we aren’t living in normal times when America’s president-elect is making noises about “merging” with Canada. It’s bananas. Donald Trump has a sudden craving for Canada like we are a hot fudge sundae at the drive-thru.
His gallant response to Trudeau’s resignation included: “If Canada merged with the U.S., there would be no Tariffs, taxes would go way down, and they would be TOTALLY SECURE from the threat of the Russian and Chinese Ships that are constantly surrounding them. Together, what a great Nation it would be!!!”
He also declared, “Many people in Canada LOVE being the 51st State.”
With the possible exception of Alberta, that’s not true. But I did not have “imperial conquest” on my bingo card for worries about Trump 2.0. I can only assume he is not well-versed in the Louisiana Purchase or the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
It’s not just Canada he’s eyeing. Trump is also obsessed with buying Greenland like it was an undervalued skyscraper in Manhattan. Don Jr. is in Greenland as I write this. Local officials do not know the purpose of this visit, which suggests he’s not there yet to haggle over Nuuk. But his trip comes after his father wrote: “Greenland is an incredible place, and the people will benefit tremendously if, and when, it becomes part of our Nation. We will protect it, and cherish it, from a very vicious outside World. MAKE GREENLAND GREAT AGAIN!”
MGGA? It’s tempting to laugh off this lunacy. But this week, the King of Denmark, which owns Greenland, changed the coat of arms. It now more prominently features Greenland and the Faroe Islands, another Danish territory. This was seen as a passive-aggressive rebuke of Trump.
But trying to stop Trump is like trying to stop a runaway freight train with a feather duster. Ask Jack Smith.
Trudeau has resigned and Trump is already planning his first rally in Moose Jaw.
Did Santa give this guy a geography colouring book for Christmas? He’s also salivating for the Panama Canal. Are there meetings in which lickspittles stare silently as the boss yammers on about turning Aruba into a golf course or leasing the Great Wall of China? Why does Niagara Falls have a Canadian side?
On Monday, Trudeau looked like he just took a sucker punch from Logan Paul. But as he exits stage right, battered and bruised, he should do right by this great nation that kept him in power for nearly a decade. He should be working behind closed doors with his political rivals to come up with a national strategy that fortifies our sovereignty and possible economic responses to Tariff Man. He should encourage every Canadian politician to take Trump’s threats seriously.
Trump is a bully and he sees Canada as a weak nerd with lots of lunch money.
Quietly protecting our future could be Trudeau’s legacy before he seeks new opportunities, possibly as a door-to-door socks salesman. All that woke nonsense got us nowhere — except further in debt and now in the crosshairs of a hostile takeover by a friendly neighbour.
Now is the time for precog pragmatism.
Liberals, Conservatives, NDP, Green, Bloc Québécois, Libertarians, Centrists, Futurists, Marxist-Leninists, Marijuana Enthusiasts, it’s time to come together and figure out what may happen before it happens and we all need new passports.
I don’t want my daughters growing up in a heavily armed 51st state without health care.
You picked a fine time to leave us, Justin. Now you are a lame duck and Canada is a sitting duck for whatever dark impulses pop into Trump’s noggin as billionaires stuff $100 bills into his thong while he strips down and gyrates interpretative dances at Mar-a-Lago. Is the big guy twerking? I think he wants us to bid on Turks & Caicos. Or maybe invade Ontario?
Justin Trudeau has resigned. He left the party too late.
And now Canada is left to blow in the winds of resignation.
