Every couple remembers the day they met. Some caught each other’s eye across a crowded bar, some were set up on a blind date, others started out as friends only for sparks to fly years later.
This Valentine’s Day, the Star sent three Toronto couples back to the spots where they had their first dates to reflect on their love stories and how their relationships have changed over 10, 20 — even 50 years.
Carol and Brian Sevitt
They met on a blind date in 1974. Now, Carol, a 77-year-old retired writer and teacher, and Brian, a 79-year-old cardiologist, have been together 52 years. This year, they’ll celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary with their two kids and four grandchildren.
How they got together
They were set up by Carol’s roommate and Brian’s golfing buddy. “She was trying to help me expand my social circle,” says Carol, who had recently moved to Toronto from Winnipeg.
Brian came to Carol’s door to be greeted by the smell of stuffed mushrooms. She was taking a cooking course through the Toronto Board of Education, and that week, she’d learned to make some appetizers. “I thought, what a perfect opportunity to try out what I’d learned,” she says. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
After that snack, they went to George’s Spaghetti House, a jazz club and Italian restaurant on Dundas Street East that closed in 1983. They began going on regular dinner dates, many at Joso’s seafood restaurant on Davenport, which opened in 1967.
Their relationship
“He was interesting and a little bit exotic,” Carol says of her British husband, who’d come to Canada for his medical residency three years earlier. Their romance took off on a shopping trip. “The first date, he showed up in a navy blazer and grey flannel pants,” Carol recalls. “The second date, he showed up in a navy blazer and checkered pants. The third date, it was a navy blazer and grey flannel pants. After the fourth date, when he wore the navy blazer and the checkered pants, she told him: ‘We’re going shopping.”
Another turning point was a vacation to Nassau in the Bahamas in 1975. “It was almost the beginning of the end,” Carol recalls. Brian sat on the beach engrossed in a copy of Lord of the Rings for hours on end, and Carol felt she was almost invisible. But when she spoke her mind, things turned around. “He was so absorbed in the book that he just didn’t register that I was at loose ends,” Carol says. It’s one thing that still drives her crazy: “He has the kind of brain that just gets absorbed in things, and he can shut the rest of the world off.”
What drives him crazy? “She tries to correct things I say and put me in my place,” he says. “But she’s vivacious, very smart, and her cooking lessons paid off.”
The secret to their success
Along with patience and commitment, they thrive on independence. Last year, Carol went on a vacation to visit a girlfriend, by herself. “Why aren’t you bringing Brian? Where’s Brian?” everyone asked her. “We’re happy to do things apart as well as together,” she says. “The secret for us is having separate interests.”
How they’ve grown in 50 years
“We have both mellowed with age and rarely have the drama that was more common when we were young,” Carol says. “We’ve experienced both the highs and lows of life and have gotten through the tough times with each other’s support.”
Returning to Joso’s for yet another dinner date was “a very warm feeling,” she says. “It was a lovely, welcoming space, and I was happy to see that they’ve continued the breast decor motif — that gave me a smile.”
Doreen To and Brian Leung
Ten years after they met, Doreen To and Brian Leung went on their first date to Pai restaurant on Duncan Street. Now, Doreen, a 34-year-old photographer, and Brian, 37-year-old founder of advertising company SwiftAds, have been together eight years, married for six, and have two young children.
How they got together
“I always had a bit of a crush on her,” Brian confesses, “but, admittedly, I was a bit obnoxious when I was younger.” Doreen can confirm: “I hated his guts. I thought he was arrogant.”
They knew each other through church, but saw each other only once or twice a year at large gatherings. In their late twenties, Brian asked Doreen on a date. She said no three times before he asked mutual friends to put in a good word. “‘You guys know me,” Doreen told her friends. “‘I would never go for Brian.’” But just in case, she asked God for a sign: a pink sky in the next three days if it was a good idea. On her way down the Gardiner Expressway, just as God’s deadline was approaching, she saw it. “Is this a joke?” she asked the sky.
Over dinner at Pai, the buzzy Thai restaurant on Duncan Street, Doreen decided to “interrogate” Brian about his relationship with his family, his life goals and if he wanted children. It went well: She asked him to go out again two weeks later.
Their relationship
The couple surprised everyone with the news of their relationship; no one saw it coming.
“We went on three or four dates before I realized I liked him,” Doreen says. But it was how Brian reacted when she tore her ACL that sealed the deal. “He would come take me out on walks and bring his grandma’s old wheelchair. I felt really touched” she recalls.
“He’s very thoughtful and considerate of other people’s feelings,” Doreen says. “He’ll go above and beyond for his friends, and he’s a really good caregiver and teammate.”
“We’re quite complementary,” Brian says. “I love that she remembers things about our friends and drags me out to social events.”
Every couple has a few things that drive each other crazy. “He’s a bit of a workaholic, and he’s always on his phone,” she says.
“Sometimes, she needs communication, and there are moments where I’m at capacity,” he says.
The secret to their success
“We got all the big, important stuff out of the way first: We were aligned on money, religion, raising kids and how we treat our parents,” Doreen says. “When you’re committed to working together for a long-term vision, sometimes you drive each other crazy, but then you remember, ‘Oh wait, we’re in this together.’”
They’re good at taking accountability and not letting the small things get to them. “It’s hard in the heat of the moment, but being able to apologize and talk it out while it’s still fresh so that you can nail down what to change for next time has been helpful,” she says.
How they’ve grown in eight years
“We’re now more able to express our affection and show each other love in the way that the other person would want to receive it,” Doreen says, adding that they both benefitted from reading the book The Five Love Languages. “We try every day to do better.”
Revisiting the site of their first date was an opportunity for reflection, and a bonus treat: “We were thrilled to meet the chef and owners of Pai!” Doreen says.
Lauren Schreiber Sasaki and Kevin Sasaki
They met at Bathurst and College Tex-Mex dive Sneaky Dee’s. Twenty years later, Lauren Schreiber Sasaki, a 41-year-old communications director and Kevin Sasaki, a 51-year-old music teacher, have been married for 15 years and have two children.
How they got together
Lauren took a friend visiting from Montréal to see a colleague’s band perform upstairs at Sneaky Dee’s in 2005. In Montréal, where Lauren’s from, too, everybody dances, she says, but in Toronto, people were too cool for that. “Let’s go up and dance at the front,” she told her friend.
They noticed two guys also dancing — one so into his own moves that his eyes were closed and he was shaking his body vigorously. “‘Who is this cute, weird person?” Lauren remembers thinking. It was Kevin, who was wearing a T-shirt with a picture of Steve Martin wearing a fish tie on it, and the words, ‘Best Fishes, Steve Martin.’
Thinking Kevin and his friend were a couple, Lauren approached them in between acts with her phone number; she needed more friends in Toronto who liked to dance. At the end of the night, Kevin made it clear he was not in fact gay, and Lauren says she felt her whole body go hot. “I was like, ‘Oh, he is so cute.’”
They met up for a long walk, down Yonge Street to the waterfront. “We didn’t want to leave each other,” Lauren recalls.
Their relationship
On that first date, Kevin revealed he was planning to move to Japan in one year. “It was a good date, but not so good that you need to tell me where you’re going to be in a year,” Lauren laughs. “He’s very considerate.”
When Kevin moved away, they stayed in touch, and Lauren visited him for three weeks. When he came back to Toronto, he got his own apartment, only to spend one night there in six months. “Can we stop being stupid now and move in together, please?” Lauren finally asked. They did, and five years after meeting, they got married. Now, they share a nine-year-old named Olive and an eleven-year-old named Gideon.
“Kevin is Capital G good,” Lauren says, considering what she loves most about him. “He will always do the right thing. It’s fun to watch how people adore him. He seems quiet, but he actually cannot help but be the centre of attention. He’s also very, very bright.”
“I love how funny she is, how musical she is, and how willing she is to take chances,” Kevin says.
Sometimes they struggle to recognize the labour each other is doing, whether it’s dishes, laundry, buying gifts or signing the kids up for camp. “But we’re figuring it out,” Kevin says. “Marriage, right? It’s only been 20 years.”
The secret to their success
Once a week, the couple meets up for an administrative meeting to sort out practicalities like finances and meal prep. “When you’ve been together a long time, there’s a danger of becoming co-managers of a household and not as much of a couple,” Lauren says. “Having a specific time for administration allows us to be more present in the rest of our relationship.” Plus, they have a bonus question to close the meeting: “What is something I can do to support you this weekend?”
How they’ve changed in 20 years
“People change, and a big trick to whether or not it’s going to work is if you’re able to figure out how to change together,” Lauren says. “Our lives are very different now than they were when we got together. I think communication and being honest help you grow towards each other, not away from each other.”
During their date at Sneaky Dee’s, the couple remarked at how little has changed there. “It looks the same, smells the same, tastes the same, and the music is the same. Even the clientele dresses the same,” says Lauren. “That kind of continuity feels rare in a city that is constantly changing.”
Their relationship, too, remains a constant. “The one thing that hasn’t changed is the sense of home we feel when we’re together. It still feels right.”
