Six days a week, Lisi Tesher answers your relationship advice questions. These are her 10 most popular columns of 2024.
10. My brother makes a ton of money — I’m not sure how — and lives abroad. He’s refusing to let our parents stay with him during a visit. Seems shady, right?
Q My brother lives abroad, is still single in his mid-30s and makes lots of money. I’m not sure that what he does is legal, but he’s happy, healthy and living large. We talk at least weekly, but we don’t have a lot in common.
Our parents visit him at least twice a year, and he comes home at least twice a year. We are very connected as a family.
Our parents are flying over for two weeks. They were to stay in a hotel nearby which is nice but not extravagant. We just found out that the hotel has closed for renovation. It’s holiday time over there and all the hotels are booked. I suggested my parents stay with my brother — he has plenty of space — and he balked.
9. I moved after my husband died and met a man and his young son. One day, we all watched a snail in my garden for 10 minutes. I think the man’s wife died. Should I ask him?
Q My husband died after a few years of deteriorating health. They call it a battle because you feel like you’re at war with your body, never knowing where and when the enemy will strike. It was exhausting for all of us.
His parents took a three-month trip, a break from what they left behind. I decided to sell our house and move to a different neighbourhood, for a change. I’ve been outside on all the recent nice days, gardening, painting and cleaning up the property.
A man and his young son have walked by several times and said hello. They stop to talk about the flowers, or he shows his son my tools, and once they sat and watched a snail for almost 10 minutes. I hear them mention “Mommy” but in a way that makes me think she’s not part of their present. And I think I see sadness in the corner of his eyes.
8. My husband is taking our kids to visit his parents. I can’t go because of a can’t-miss work event. His parents are judgy about me and I don’t totally trust them around my kids. What do I do?
Q My husband is taking my children out to the East Coast to see his parents this summer. I was invited to go, of course, but the timing conflicts with a work event that I can’t miss. I tried to get him to change the dates, but he had already taken this week off from his work because it was the week that worked best for his parents.
I get it, I just don’t feel good about it.
7. We have four grandchildren who we adore. We also go away for two months in the winter. Lately, people have been shaming us for travelling. Are we bad grandparents?
Q My husband and I both retired at age 60. We travel south for two months in the winter and take a two-week vacation in the fall.
We have four grandchildren: three teenagers and one three-year-old. Once a week, we take our three-year-old to the park, or apple picking, or other things we think he would enjoy.
Every time we tell people we winter south for two months, they ask, “How can you be away from the grandkids for so long?”
6. I love my job — I work from home and travel a lot. Everything was hunky dory until my husband blew up at me because of all the deliveries I get. Must I choose between my career and my marriage?
Q I love my job and the freedom it gives me to lead my life on my own schedule. I can travel where and when I wish, as long as I have internet access. I can be available for my children whenever they need me. And I can keep up with the hobbies that I love.
The only problem is that there are items constantly moving in and out of my house. When I travel, my business partner has access to my home and can get whatever she needs if there are time constraints, and it can’t wait until my return. But this drives my husband crazy, on top of the cumulation of bags, boxes, deliveries and delivery people constantly at my door.
When he is at the office, he’s unaware of the comings and goings, but there have recently been a few weeks (thankfully not in a row) where he has been working from home for one reason or another. And one of those weeks coincided with a trip I had planned long ago.
5. My teen daughter has been having a blast at her friend’s family cottage. Then her friend got caught doing something forbidden and my daughter was sent home. Is that fair?
Q My 15-year-old daughter was at a friend’s cottage for two weeks helping the neighbours with their small children. The friend’s parents were at the cottage, so the girls were supervised, not alone.
They had breakfast at “home,” spent the day babysitting and ate lunch with those kids, and sometimes stayed into the evening while those parents went out.
My daughter was having the best time, and I was happy for her to be out of the hot city and by a lake, having fun and learning responsibility.
4. My son is nine. He’s playing a sport for the first time and he loves it. Then his coach whispered something to him. Do I let it go?
Q My son has started playing a sport that is mainly played outdoors but starts early indoors to get the children “warmed up.” He’s been at it twice a week for about a month and he loves it. He loves that he gets to try all the different positions on his team.
After two weeks the coach, a parent of one of the players, asked all the kids what position they thought they would be best at, and which position they liked best (not always the same thing). My son replied, like all the other kids. For the next session, all the kids were placed where they had said they liked best, except my son. The following session, they were placed where they had said they thought they would play best. Except my son.
3. I was at a fancy restaurant the other night and I overheard three teenagers talking. I was shocked by their adolescent colloquialisms! Did they even thank their hosts?
Q While at dinner the other night, at a nice restaurant where each person’s meal would probably cost roughly $50, I overheard three teenagers speaking with one set of parents. From the way they addressed the adults, it became clear that one child belonged to the parents, while the other two did not.
I was shocked by the way the other two held a conversation. They spoke only in the teenage colloquialisms we hear about on Instagram and TikTok. Everything was “low-key” this and “I back” that.
Do our youth not have a grasp on the English language anymore? Yes, many words have become so commonplace we don’t consider them rude any longer, but “cap?” These teenagers sounded anything but intellectual.
2. My daughter was texting me photos of her new bestie from camp. Something bothered me. I asked for her friend’s last name. When she told me, my romantic past flashed before my eyes…
Q My daughter is working at a summer camp this month and has been texting me photos of her with her new bestie. She’s happy she’s found a new friend, and they’re having so much fun together. But there was something about this girl that made me uncomfortable every time I saw her photo.
Finally, during one of our conversations, I asked my daughter what her family name is, and once she told me, I was so bothered I had to hang up.
1. My husband had a midlife crisis and left me and our four children after 20 years of marriage. We were plunged into debt and despair. Now, he wants me back. Should I even consider it?
Q My husband left me after 20 years of marriage and four children almost five years ago. He admits now that he had a mid-life crisis at the time and wanted to escape all his responsibilities and ties. I was tired of his excuses, lack of ambition, over-enjoyment (in my opinion) of recreational drugs and alcohol anyway, so in all honesty, I was somewhat relieved.
The financial wake-up call of the divorce — selling our home, figuring out how to have two separate homes with enough space for all the children, splitting up our assets, child support, spousal support, etc. — was enough to throw both of us into a pit of despair. We were in the red and going deeper.
