Elon Musk is becoming more unpopular than Lara Trump at a karaoke bar.
The man with more titles than the 18th-century Duchess of Alba is still involved with electric cars, space rockets, brain chips, subterranean tunnels, social media and a compulsive drive-by smearing of anything or anyone who ticks him off.
This now includes U.S. government agencies that help others, a no-no for Elmo.
Just three weeks into Trump 2.0, Musk is freezing foreign aid, making false accusations, hacking into sensitive databases, sharing deep fakes, swearing like a Slipknot roadie, playing chicken with the global economy and locking federal workers out of their buildings and inboxes, all while presumably freebasing ketamine during the greatest power trip of his life.
An Economist/YouGov poll this week found Americans are increasingly alarmed by Musk’s blowtorch antics. Only 13 per cent said they wanted him “to have a lot of influence” with the new administration. Nearly half of those surveyed want him to have zero influence. Even among Republicans, only 26 per cent approve of his influence as the Trump whisperer, a drop from 47 per cent just after the November election. Musk will soon be more unpopular than mosquitoes.
And just wait until his goon squad of coding fanboys — some of those now dismantling the government aren’t old enough to order a beer — come for Medicare, Medicaid, public schools and social security.
The richest man alive wants everyone else to forage for edible shrubs.
The broligarchs doing high kicks around the president like Radio City Rockettes didn’t come for the altruism — they’re here for tax cuts and deregulation.
The irony is Elon Musk is trying to kill a government that is already suicidal.
Republicans have forfeited their beanbag chairs in America’s tripartite system of co-equal and separate powers. They know Musk, an unelected private citizen, has zero authority to suffocate the United States Agency for International Development (USAID). But these skittish jellyfish are too frightened to say boo lest they conjure the wrath of the White House ghoul.
If Musk broke into Mike Johnson’s house, the GOP Speaker would sit stone-faced as Dark Edgelord downloaded his browsing history, unplugged the fridge, raided piggy-banks, peed on the rug and, just before leaving, fondled his wife.
That’s what Elon Musk is doing to the federal bureaucracy under the Orwellian imprimatur of the Department of Government Efficiency, which is neither efficient nor a government agency.
Imagine if you worked at a pet store and one day this unpleasant man with the charisma of a dung beetle strolls in with a cat badge and starts scooping the fish out of aquariums and swallowing them whole.
You’d chase him off the premises and call the cops.
Everyone now hates Elon Musk. Whether he’s spreading bonkers conspiracies, torquing the X algorithm or brazenly lying about how USAID gave millions to Politico or Ben Stiller, Musk has gone from a celebrated captain of industry to a riverboat gambler with no heart and decency.
There is only one solution: We must send Elon Musk to Mars.
You know who agrees with me? Donald Trump. I can see it in his eyes. He’s getting sick of Musk following him around like a stray golden retriever. Trump goes down for breakfast and Musk is licking a spatula. He gets out of the shower and Musk hands him a towel. Trump calls a world leader and Musk conferences in to make it a three-way.
It’s enough already. Musk is stealing the oxygen and attention.
This week, the Democrats — a political party more dysfunctional than a Sheen family reunion — spent their time condemning Musk. He is the new bogeyman.
This will not sit well with Trump. He expects to be the only bogeyman. Mr. President, do you not see what’s happening here? Your henchman is using your sword to steal your thunder. Musk is called “the real president.” There are snickers about how he is “the apple of Melania’s eye.”
He is turning Donald Trump into the sidekick.
The president needs to spare no expense as he instructs NASA and SpaceX to collaborate and give Musk a one-way ticket to Mars. Invent new turbo-boosters, master antigravity, bribe aliens, build the world’s largest catapult, do whatever it takes to get this pasty doofus to the red planet.
Then, and only then, will Trump return as the bogeyman-in-chief.
Musk does not have the patience to surgically cut government spending. He gets frustrated after three nanoseconds and then orders his pubescent soldiers to burn it all down. If this guy was a doctor and you went in with a phantom pain, he’d half-listen while tweet-trolling and then suddenly cut off your head.
No head, no pain. Problem solved.
Elon Musk is a grave danger to a troubled world. We must banish him to Mars.
