You’d expect an animated basketball movie with four-time NBA champion Stephen Curry in the producer’s chair to be an easy lay-up. So why is “GOAT” such a brick?
Despite a wondrously textured, kinetic world and some interesting oddball characters, the movie is undone by a predictable, saccharine script. It’s as easy to see the steps coming as a Curry three-pointer arching into the net.
The movie has the kind of lazy, thin writing that feels like it all could have derived from a boozy Hollywood happy hour gettogether: “Bro, bro. Wait. What if the GOAT was an actual goat?”
It centers on Will Harris, a goat with dreams of becoming a great baller, voiced by “Stranger Things” star Caleb McLaughlin. Undersized and an orphan — again with the orphans, guys? — Will is a delivery driver for a diner and late on his rent. He’s a great outside shooter but a liability in the paint, unless he learns, that is.
He lives in Vineland — a hectic urban landscape with graffiti and living vines that choke the playgrounds — and is a rabid supporter of the local franchise, the Thorns. His idol is veteran Jett Fillmore, a leopard who’s the league’s all-time leading scorer, nicely voiced by Gabrielle Union. The Thorns are a bit of a mess, despite Jett’s brilliance.
The game here is called roarball, a high-intensity, co-ed, multi-animal, full-contact sport derived from basketball with a hollow ball that has small holes. It’s a “Mad Max” sport — ultraviolent, unofficiated and the dangers lurk not just from the beefy opponents but from the arena itself. The championship award is called the Claw.
The best part of the movie may be the environments for the other arenas — lava in one, a swamp with stalagmites and stalactites in another, plus an ice-bound one and another with desert sandstorms and rocks. Homefield advantage is a big thing in this league.
There seem to be only two kinds of points scored here — blazing windmills, cutting tomahawks and spectacular alley-oop dunks or slow-mo threes from so far downtown they might as well be in a different zip code. No mid-range jumpers, bro.
This universe is divided into “bigs” and “smalls” — rhinos, bears and giraffes on one side, gerbils and capybara on the other — and Will is deemed a small. “Smalls can’t ball,” he is told, condescendingly.
But Will — thanks to a viral video — improbably gets signed to the Thorns by the team’s owner (a cynical warthog voiced wonderfully by Jenifer Lewis). It’s seen as a shameless publicity stunt that no one wants, especially Jett, who needs a winning season after being taunted by “All stats, no Claw.”
Now, predictably, in Aaron Buchsbaum and Teddy Riley script, comes the bulk of the movie, giving a steady “The Karate Kid” or “Air Bud” vibe as it charts Will’s steady rise to honored teammate and franchise future, despite Jett insisting she’s not ready to go: “I’m the GOAT. I’m not passing the torch.”
The lessons are good — the importance of teamwork and believing in yourself — but the testosterone-fueled violence on the courts is WWE extreme. There are unnecessary plugs for Mercedes and Under Armor, and hollow slogans like “Dream big” and “Roots run deep.”
Some of the most interesting characters end up on the Thorns, a fragile, somewhat broken team that includes a rhino (voiced by David Harbour), a delicate ostrich (Nicola Coughlan), a gonzo Komodo dragon (Nick Kroll) and a desultory giraffe (Curry).
The Komodo dragon, named Modo, is the best of the bunch, an insane, unpredictable creature full of electricity. “If Modo was any more of a snack, he’d eat himself,” he declares. Could he get his own movie?
Directed by “Bob’s Burgers” veteran Tyree Dillihay and Adam Rosette, “GOAT” is targeted to Gen Alpha, leveraging cellphone screens and online likes, virality and diss tracks. It’s not as funny as it thinks it is and tiresome in its overly familiar redemption arc.
Another potential basketball GOAT — Michael Jordan — gave us a clunker of a live-action- animated basketball movie in “Space Jam” exactly 30 years ago and “GOAT,” while not as bad as that mess, is an air ball none the same.
“Goat,” a Sony Pictures Animation release in theaters Friday, is rated PG by the Motion Picture Association for some rude humor and brief mild language. Running time: 100 minutes. One and a half stars out of four.
