This will be the scariest Halloween ever.
Not because of the inevitable “KPop Demon Hunters” or Labubu costumes. Not because the moon will be in a waxing gibbous phase, which sounds like something the Kardashian sisters inflict on their private parts. Not because Doug Ford may transform into a howling werewolf who rightfully slashes his talons into the gummy torso of Pete Hoekstra.
This Halloween will be scary because it is also Game 6 of the World Series.
That’s like a royal wedding that overlaps with the Oscars.
Children, I don’t want to disappoint you. I always carve pumpkins and decorate the porch with ghouls and demonic dogs that have red eyes. I am stocked with Skittles, Mars, Coffee Crisp, Reese’s Pieces, Aero, Smarties, KitKat, M&Ms — and whatever else comes in those “100” boxes that cost as much as an oil change.
Kids, I have your treats. The trick on Friday night will be in answering the door.
Olivia Chow? Can you sign an emergency order and postpone Halloween until Sunday? How am I supposed to be in two places at once? How can I greet the goblins and witches in my green alien mask while prowling the den in my Jays hat as I metabolize sweet John Schneider tricks and Vladimir Guerrero Jr. treats?
We need to defer Halloween this year like it’s a dishwasher purchase at Leon’s. Or we impose martial law and decree Halloween ends at 8 p.m.
This magical Jays squad should not be forced to compete with pagan rituals.
If the Leafs and Raptors can rejig their schedules to avoid conflicts with the World Series, why can’t Halloween? This is Game 6! No matter what happens on Wednesday, we know one team will be facing elimination on Friday.
I need to focus on the game and that means not handing out candy.
Look, I know how much Halloween means to the kids. I remember heading out in sub-zero nights in search of a sugar high on Oct. 31. I remember the marathon strolls in my highly flammable costume that restricted normal breathing. Do you know how hard it is to see in a C-3PO mask without your glasses? I was knocking on Canada Post boxes. I thought they were front doors.
Then you get home and empty your bag on the floor to survey the bounty. I would divide my haul by treasure value, meaning the Hershey’s bars were granted special immunity status to be saved and savoured while the black licorice and circus peanuts without a no-trade clause were subject to schoolyard barter.
Halloween is awesome. But it is not as awesome as Jays in the World Series.
Game 6 must be an uninterrupted experience regardless of All Hallows’ Eve traditions. I know nothing about the Celtic late harvest.
All I know is … LET’S GO BLUE JAYS!
You know who else would be cool with postponing Halloween? The children of Toronto. This lovable and resilient Jays team has captured more hearts than “Schitt’s Creek,” Shania Twain and all the free turkeys the Mirvish family has generously handed out over the years.
And cheering the loudest for our plucky sluggers? The children.
You can see it in their eyes and hear it in their squeals of delight after a multi-run rally. The year 2025 is their 1992 or 1993. My goddaughter in Ottawa is all in for this team and her pre-game texts are a balm for my soul.
My brother recently sent me a photo of my nephew Colin’s Halloween costume for Friday. He is dressing up as Alejandro Kirk. He has the replica shin pads, chest protector, mask and oversized mitt. At a game last month, Colin got an on-field photo with Buck Martinez. The boy was beyond dazzled to be near a mythical figure from the blue multiverse he now reveres more than anything else.
Colin was grinning the way I might in a selfie with Padma Lakshmi.
So how are we, adult Jays fans, supposed to merge Game 6 with Halloween?
Do we turn off the lights and hope the little Avengers and Disney Princesses don’t see the flickering glow of Rogers Sportsnet through the shutters? Do we nail a “Only Healthy Treats” sign to the door and hope the costumed tykes who can read will recoil in horror and do a heel-turn to avoid any unwanted apples or Babybel cheese monsters?
Do we leave a laundry basket full of treats on the porch and pray Peppa Pig or SpongeBob SquarePants abide by the honour system and only take one candy bar? I can tell you right now, there will be at least one Incredible Hulk who will see a crime of opportunity and make off like a brazen Louvre thief.
Game 6 and Halloween are both happening on Friday night.
This is scarier than a graveyard of zombies that comes to life.
