For 10 days in September, Toronto’s raccoons gracefully surrender the city to a class of mammals that, refreshingly, don’t have a taste for garbage. While these rare species can be easily confused by King Street bystanders during TIFF, when you know what to look for, they’re as different as Andrew Garfield and regular Garfield. Before foraging into the festival fray, educate yourself about some of the common types of species you might be lucky enough to spot.
Characteristics: As Thespian Promotus positions itself for an awards season campaign, the familiar superstar — often an A-list actor — reveals a bold new appearance. These promotional bloomings tend to be muted as we see attempts to communicate seriousness: neutral blazers, high collars and a sudden call for spectacles.
Habitat: Though it moves quickly, Thespian Promotus follows a predictable migratory pattern: airport, press conference, red carpet, airport.
Did you know?: The call of the Thespian Promotus can remain virtually unchanged throughout its life cycle. Though they sound spontaneous, close listeners may hear the same stories again and again, a behaviour known in the zoological community as “staying on message.”
Species: Sapien Industrious
Characteristics: Recognizable by the plastic lanyards that dangle from their necks, the worker bees of the festival consist of such subspecies as ornery film critics, manic publicists, slick distributors and cautious investors. While enjoying access to screenings, parties and pop-up slider stations, the Sapien Industrious will produce heavy calls of exhaustion accompanied by withering glances — for example, “And worst of all, the screening was at 9 a.m.”
Habitat: Sapien Industrious are often found in cavernous enclosures known as screening rooms, where they remain motionless for a two-hour period. Upon emerging, they break into a chaotic burst of chatter known as “buzz.”
Did you know?: A new subspecies of Sapien Industrious, known as Streamious Industrious, has become an apex predator at the festival by hunting for films to air exclusively on their streaming platforms. Their propagation has allowed you to watch that three-hour drama about the acrimoniously divorced couple trapped in an elevator while at home doing laundry and eating chips.
Species: Bingiea Cinematica
Characteristics: While they share a desire to see an inhuman number of films within 10 days, Bingiea Cinematica fall into their own subspecies, including awards prognosticators, fearless arthouse-horror buffs and Angelina Jolie completionists.
Habitat: While most at home in theatres, Bingiea Cinematica also congregate in a variety of lines, including the concession line, where they prefer to feed.
Did you know?: Bingiea Cinematica practice their own unique rituals in the theatre. While some will “arr” at the anti-pirating advisory, others silently glower. Despite their differences, these subspecies have developed a tense, yet peaceful, coexistence.
Species: Starbius Observius
Characteristics: From the most committed Hiddlestoners to the casual star spotter, Starbius Observius is known for its enthusiastic holler, quick-fire camera phone and exceptional capacity for withstanding long periods of standing and staring at a closed door.
Habitat: Starbius Observius’s most common hunting grounds include stage doors, upscale hotels and red carpet events where they collect hugs, selfies and, sometimes, even glances!
Did you know?: Not all Starbius Observiuses are fans. Using the power of camouflage, the professional autograph hound pleads its case to get its Wizards of Waverly Place poster signed even though it’s not a diehard Selenator.
Species: Hubbubius Rex
Characteristics: Does that soft-cancelled duchess or late-’90s trip-hop artist have a reason to be at the film festival? No! But where there is a hubbub to be found, the unrelatedly famous will arrive to see what’s up, and what’s free.
Habitat: Such festival adjacent to-dos as a Lifetime Achievement Award for a champagne brand or a charity gala where the proceeds go toward your steak dinner.
Did you know?: With TIFF’s first weekend overlapping with New York Fashion Week, the Hubbubius Rex can easily migrate between both without being invited to either!
