Boorish diners are on the rise, according to some Toronto servers.
“There is definitely an increase in people that forget that servers are humans,” says Danna (last name withheld), a server at Wynona, an Italian restaurant in the east end. “I’ve found with all the technological advances and all the isolation that happened during COVID, people have forgotten how to interact with others. Nowadays, we are mostly making reservations online and getting email or text confirmations and there is no human interaction until you enter the restaurant. These simple and basic forms of etiquette are being thrown out the window, which makes restaurant staff feel like servants versus skilled professionals that curate a specific experience.”
We spoke to servers and bartenders from across Toronto about their biggest customer pet peeves — and how we Torontonians can become better diners.
PET PEEVE: Calling for a reservation the same day
THIS ONE TIME…
When same-day reservation requests are denied, one popular last-minute wheedling tactic is claiming to know the owner.
“Never say you know the owner. Guess what? So do I. And neither of us want to bring them into this,” says Maxwell Johnston, a bartender at Grazie Ristorante in midtown.
BEHAVE BETTER
“If you don’t have a reservation but show up and they don’t have space, most times it’s worth sticking around. Reservation times are always overestimated on purpose so we can keep our word and deliver quality service,” he says. “The line usually goes fast, but you can’t be mad when it doesn’t. Pro tip: ask for a drink from the bar while you wait.”
PET PEEVE: Complaining about prices
THIS ONE TIME…
“A guest looked at the cocktail menu and literally said, ‘$18? What’s in that, liquid gold?’ recalls Nikita (last name withheld), a bartender at The Cottage Cheese, an Indian restaurant in Kensington Market. “I get it — things are more expensive these days — but comments like that make things awkward for servers.”
BEHAVE BETTER
“If it’s out of your budget, totally fine, just don’t be rude about it. There’s usually something for everyone,” she says.
PET PEEVE: Venting online instead of speaking up during the meal
THIS ONE TIME…
“I feel like there is this power people feel when they know they can leave a bad review but pretend they had a good time in the moment,” she says. “The worst is when you say everything is good and you leave and we get a negative review the next day or next week and we wish we had known since we have the power to make your experience better.”
BEHAVE BETTER
“If a server is checking in on your meal and asking if you are enjoying yourself, please give real feedback,” she says. “If there is something wrong, we are more than willing to fix it and ensure you have a great experience.”
PET PEEVE: Disrespecting the space
THIS ONE TIME…
“Taking apart and breaking our curated antique decorations, moving tables without permission, vaping or openly doing drugs at the bar, going behind the bar to get the bartender’s attention? It should be pretty clear, even to a drunk person, that these actions are completely unacceptable and yet they’re committed quite often at my workplace,” says Jakob Brull, bartender and bar manager at The Comrade in Riverside. “The funny part is that people like this are always offended at our frustration which is weird. People will literally look me in the face and say, ‘Hey, take it easy! We didn’t know we weren’t allowed to play with the decorations and do a line of coke off the bar in front of everybody’ and these people are the same age as my parents. Crazy.”
BEHAVE BETTER
“Take a quick moment to think to yourself, ‘Is this truly an appropriate way to act in this environment right now?’ Sometimes, the answer might shock you,” he says.
Oh — and never, ever throw up in the sink. “My staff and I have to spend all night unclogging the sink with an oyster fork and then fishing out the vomit in a litre container. It is freakin’ disgusting and it pisses everyone involved off because it is such an avoidable scenario.”
PET PEEVE: Lying about allergies
THIS ONE TIME…
Dreyfus server Peter Alexandropoulos remembers when a guest claimed to have a variety of allergies, saying they couldn’t eat a single item on the menu without modification. “We made them a really nice menu, only for me to catch them trying food from the table they said they were allergic to,” he says. “Out of concern, I ran over to stop them from eating something that might make them sick, only for them to tell me ‘I’m not actually allergic to this stuff, I just try to avoid it.’ Insane behaviour.”
BEHAVE BETTER
“Use the correct language when discussing your food restrictions with a server. Use the word aversion if you just don’t want it, and only use the word allergy if you mean it. Many steps are taken in a kitchen to prepare the cooking area for a guest with a severe allergy. It slows things down, and stresses a kitchen,” he says. “Nobody wants to make anyone sick, and this can really ruin a restaurant’s reputation, so it is taken very seriously.”
PET PEEVE: Camping out long after the bill has been paid
THIS ONE TIME…
“Tables and bars are a restaurant’s main resource, especially in peak hours,” says Preston (last name withheld), a bartender at Paris Texas on King West. “When guests linger long after they’ve finished eating and paid the bill, it slows down table turnover, cuts into the server’s ability to make tips, and prevents other guests from being seated.”
BEHAVE BETTER
Be aware of your timing, Preston says: if it’s a slow afternoon or you’re told you can hang out, that’s one thing. But during dinner rushes or brunch hours, lingering too long can be a problem. “Enjoy your meal, tip well, and be considerate of the restaurant’s flow. If you want to keep socializing, consider moving to the bar or ordering another round, if the table isn’t immediately needed. Better yet, head to a nearby café or lounge after dinner.”
PET PEEVE: Bringing your laptop or coffee cup to the dinner table
THIS ONE TIME…
“I’m sorry, but you should not be flipping open the laptop at a restaurant,” Alexandropoulos says. “Next to you might be sat a couple who has been looking forward to this night out for weeks, and your laptop is really killing the vibe. Little solo brunch at a bistro is a different story, but when did we decide this was ok to do at the dinner table?”
BEHAVE BETTER
“If you must work, excuse yourself and take it outside,” Alexandropoulos says. And just leave the coffee cup at home. Otherwise? “I get very excited to go up to a table and take their coffee away.”
PET PEEVE: Obnoxiously trying to get your server’s attention
THIS ONE TIME…
“I once had a guy snap me over, only to follow that up with a whistle the next time he needed my attention,” Alexandropoulos says. “The best part is, the table right next to them were the ones that had a huge problem with that. Their conversation escalated into a full-blown screaming match, and the other guest essentially told this guy that he needed to pay his bill and leave, which he did.”
BEHAVE BETTER
“Your server is probably busy if they have not come over to help you with something. If it’s a big spot, or it’s very busy, a little lean and hand up around shoulder height is the move,” Alexandropoulos says. “If you need to make a sound, that sound should be ‘excuse me.’”
PET PEEVE: Not cancelling reservations you don’t need
THIS ONE TIME…
“We had a group make a reservation for 12 people for 7 p.m. that, without any communication, didn’t show up until after we were closed. The business made no money off this and because we didn’t seat anyone at their table due to the reservation, we had to turn potential paying customers away,” Brull says. “That one reservation cost the bar hundreds of dollars in losses and it’s even more frustrating since this could be avoided with a mere cancellation or phone call. Since there were no sales, there were no tips, so it hit especially deep for the staff.”
BEHAVE BETTER
“Just communicate with us. It’s very simple,” Brull says. “Every reservation platform has an option to cancel and most bars and restaurants have a phone line and employ a host for this exact purpose. We all understand that plans change and all, but not showing up with no warning costs the establishment and its workers a lot of money and is generally lazy and inconsiderate.”
PET PEEVE: Being on your phone while ordering
THIS ONE TIME…
“Someone once tried to order a full round of drinks while holding their phone to their ear and shushing me mid-sentence,” Nikita says. “It’s frustrating and honestly kind of rude; it slows everything down for everyone.”
BEHAVE BETTER
“Just take 30 seconds to place your order properly,” she says. “We’ll all move faster and smoother that way.”
