Elon Musk should trade his cheese-head hat for a dunce cap.
Is there an Afrikaans word that means schadenfreude? Whatever it is, much of the world is feeling it today. After spending nearly $300 million to help buy the U.S. election for Donald Trump, Mr. Musk was keen to splurge on more kleptocracy.
Who needs a megayacht when you can back-float on a corrupt government?
Musk’s new obsession was a seat on the Wisconsin Supreme Court. Why would the world’s richest man care about a judicial race in Wisconsin? Maybe he enjoys a cold Pabst Blue Ribbon after a long day of hasty mass layoffs. Maybe it has something to do with a lawsuit Tesla filed in the state. Maybe his testicles are named “Madison” and “Milwaukee.”
Whatever the reason, Musk tried to notch another victory and bolster his rep as a political kingmaker. He went all in for conservative judge Brad Schimel. Musk financed the campaign and paid for attack ads against liberal judge Susan Crawford.
He rallied in Wisconsin this week. He basically bribed voters with sketchy petitions and the novelty cheques once reserved for Publishers Clearing House. This was not just a state election, Musk told the crowd that likely was duped into thinking a Kid Rock concert might break out. This election, he added, could decide “the future of Western civilization.”
The results arrived on Tuesday night: Susan Crawford won, Elon Musk lost.
Wisconsin’s high court will keep its 4-3 liberal majority. Western civilization exhaled. And, somewhere, Elon looked like a vampire zapped in the face with a ray of sunshine.
How can this lunatic colonize Mars when he can’t even steal Wisconsin?
I’m starting to think George Soros is paying for mind control to turn Musk into a secret weapon for the Democrats. The party was deader than Tutankhamun until this week. Now the pharaoh blood is starting to flow. It is sitting up in the tomb. A fighting spirit is returning. And all thanks to how much they hate the guts of the billionaire who is gutting the government.
Musk just spent $25 million in the most expensive state election in American history. All he has to show for it is that cheese-head hat. I’ve noticed his chainsaw props have vanished. His bratty son is no longer perched on his shoulders as he shuffles around government corridors with the charisma of a dung beetle. Musk talks tough, but he can see what is happening.
His booming unpopularity is yanking the Democrats out of quicksand.
Around the same time Ms. Crawford was giving her victory speech, Cory Booker, the Democrat senator from New Jersey, was entering the Guinness books. He delivered the longest speech on the Senate floor in American history. Without food, couch or bathroom break, Mr. Booker eviscerated Trump 2.0 for more than 25 hours straight.
Booker is the Giannis Antetokounmpo of filibustering.
This was a political triumph. Why? Because the Fox blowhards were downplaying it even as Booker was still talking. It’s just a speech. It doesn’t mean anything. Right. I’d like to see Jesse Watters riff with fiery purpose for 25 hours. He’d run out of words after 25 minutes. He’d just stand there searching for his TelePrompTer and makeup artist.
I won’t pretend the Democrats are suddenly a force to be reckoned with. They remain a hot mess with the brand appeal of an AMC Gremlin. But thanks to bipartisan exhaustion with Musk, they are regrouping.
They are realizing Tariff Man is his own worst enemy. They are witnessing the radioactive hostility toward Musk in ruby red districts as remorseful voters pile into town halls to vent their spleens about how the billionaire is destroying lives and ruining communities with his slapdash napalming of government agencies.
Why is Elon Musk uniting the world in despising Elon Musk? Because he has no heart. This is a guy who once said, “The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy.” That dark sentiment shows in every glib lie, in every power grab, in every conflict of interest, in every deranged tweet, in every awkward jump in the spotlight.
You know who also hates Elon? Donald Trump. Oh, he loves the unlimited Ben Franklins he can grab from the Musk ATM. But Trump has wily political instincts. He knows his co-president is now an albatross around his neck.
On Wednesday, Politico reported, “President Donald Trump has told his inner circle, including members of his Cabinet, that Musk will be stepping back in the coming weeks from his current role as governing partner, ubiquitous cheerleader and Washington hatchet man.”
Or as CNN’s data guru put it after crunching Musk’s abysmal numbers: “He is political poison!”
That poison is now a tonic for the Democrats.
They should all send him a cheese-head hat and beg him to stick around.
