Justin Trudeau has depressed me many times over the years.
There was the brownface scandal. Can you imagine if I caked my head in talcum powder and recited woke dogma in fancy socks? I don’t think he’d like that. There was his apathy toward the economy, military, personal liberty. His obsession with pop culture over governance.
But nothing is more depressing than his selfie at Canadian Tire this week.
Powerful men have a moral duty to inspire less powerful men like me. Until Friday, Trudeau occupied the highest office in this land for a decade. Now he’s figuring out what comes next. And his first impulse is to shop for cheap cookware while telegraphing his divorced dad bona fides?
In the Instagram post, Trudeau looks like a down-on-his-luck bum who frequents Money Direct and only showers when it rains. A ratty jean jacket has replaced the natty suit. His matinée idol hair is concealed under a baseball cap. He does not look thrilled to be stocking up on kitchen tools.
What’s next? Will he pop into a nearby Tim Hortons and sport a grimacing smile as he pretends the double-double in the foreground does not taste like paint thinner and suffering?
How does anyone get to 53 and not already own a colander or spatula, two items in his shopping cart. Why didn’t Trudeau swipe a box of cooking gadgets from the rat-infested 24 Sussex Drive on his way out? Prime Minister Mark Carney would not mind — he wants his omelettes prepared with gold-plated utensils.
Trudeau is free to do what he wants. But … Canadian Tire on St. Patrick’s Day? That’s like celebrating Mardi Gras at Dollarama. It’s beyond depressing.
I wanted to live vicariously through Trudeau’s first post-PM selfie. I wanted to see him pounding back shamrock shots with scantily clad Irish hotties.
Instead he’s buying a Master Chef blender?
You know what Stephen Harper did after leaving office? I’m sure it wasn’t “go to Canadian Tire to shop for drill bits and Armor All.” I’m not beating up on Canadian Tire. I will resume that after the Most Idiotic Trade War in History ends. I will not say a bad word about Canadian Tire today, including the narrow aisles, the haphazard merchandising designed by chimps on bath salts or the lingering stench of motor oil and off-brand snacks.
You get a pass, Canadian Tire. We are now all in this together.
(Tim Hortons, you and your foreign owners are still fair game.)
Messrs. Trudeau and Harper have a moral duty to inspire normies now that our sovereignty is under threat from a Trump 2.0 brigade overrun with venal grifters and wonks operating at a Grade 2 reading level. At this inflection point, Canada can’t waffle — and that means there is no time for Trudeau to be making waffles.
He deserves a few days to catch his breath and decompress. Fine. If shopping is therapeutic, might I suggest Trudeau direct his security detail to the closest Bay store to take advantage of the liquidation sales? Maybe buy some casual Friday attire so he does not look like a stinky hobo who dances for wooden nickels outside a ramshackle club on slam poetry night?
Then when he’s cleaned up, it’s time to return to the patriotic game.
Justin Trudeau’s Canadian Tire selfie is more depressing than a three-legged pony.
We need all of our politicians, past and present, to form a dynamic round table that transcends party lines. We need a 3D chess bulwark against this American aggression, both passive and economic. The doofus-in-chief knows he can’t carpet bomb us into territorial submission. That would be too much, even for the moral cowardice of Lindsey Graham.
But Trump is fixated on his “51st state” fever dream and chuckleheads such as Howard Lutnick and turncoat Kevin O’Leary have convinced Tariff Man he can bend this nation to his expansionist will via financial pressure and extortion.
They can all take a flying leap into the GULF OF MEXICO.
Potato masher? My God! Canada is facing an existential crisis and Justin Trudeau is fiddling with spuds? Sir, I get that you served your time and now want to focus on being a more present dad. Uber Eats can help you with that.
You made Canada proud after resigning and still standing up to Trump with unflinching resolve. We will need more of that from your unofficial platform. Now, if you really just want out, forget Canadian Tire. Maybe pitch a travel series to Netflix: “Justin Trudeau: Sunny Ways.”
But I don’t think you want to stop fighting for Team Canada. So please think harder about your second post-PM selfie. The medium is the message.
And in these dark times, Master Chef does not bring any light.
