Sorry, Mark Carney, 'Shakedown in Windsor' is a true crime drama where Donald Trump holds a bridge, and a nation, hostage

Is it a mystery story? Not really. By now it’s well-documented that Trump & Co. are blocking the opening of the bridge because a wealthy family that stands to lose big-time from the new span lobbied the White House furiously to keep it closed.

We know the villains

We know who the villains are in this tale: it’s the Maroun family who own the rival Ambassador Bridge and the Trump-aligned politicians who benefit from their copious donations to Republican and MAGA organizations and are willing to do their bidding. You pay, you get protection.

That sounds like a gangster movie, and there are a lot of similarities. “Nice little bridge you got there. Too bad if something happened to it.” Perhaps Trump will soon make Canada an offer we can’t refuse and the bridge will finally open for business. It’s quite possible.

Maybe it’s a straight-up heist story. Guys with different talents get together to steal something from under the noses of the owners (in this case, Canadian taxpayers, who paid 100 per cent of the cost of the Gordie Howe bridge because the Americans couldn’t agree on spending the money).

No — that’s not it. A heist flick (think “Ocean’s Eleven”) works only if the crooks have a certain charm and their scheme turns on cleverness and secrecy. In this case there’s theft going on for sure — millions of dollars a week in lost revenue while the bridge stays closed — but the bad guys are charmless and their plans are all too obvious.

Is it one of those modern neo-noir dramas, à la the Coen Brothers, with morally ambiguous characters and lots of atmosphere? Not really. Perhaps a twist on the financial crime story (think “The Wolf of Wall Street”)? Closer, but not quite. Or a political thriller like “All the President’s Men,” with conspiracies and corruption at the highest levels of power? Now you’re getting warm.

To me the bridge drama has elements of many of these genres, but the category it fits best is true crime. Because, simply, it’s really going on right before our eyes — millions appropriated in broad daylight in the form of both those lost revenues and fat profits for the other guys as long as the new bridge stays closed, with the threat of more to come unless the victim (us) agrees to a fistful of fanciful demands.

Naturally, the prime minister can’t say any of this out loud or even hint at it. He’s got to look at the bigger picture and in that context the Shakedown in Windsor (now there’s a title) is comparatively small potatoes.

Just another speed bump

So when a ribbon-cutting ceremony on the bridge planned for last Friday was abruptly cancelled at the behest of the White House, Carney had to pretend it was no big biggie, just another one of those “speed bumps” that keep coming up when you’re dealing with Trump.

Astonishingly, some conservatives tried to pin the blame on Carney, pointing to the fact that earlier last week he said the bridge was going to open on Friday. We don’t know exactly how things unfolded, but if Carney got caught short he certainly wasn’t the only one. Official invitations had gone out from the bridge authority; Michigan’s governor, Gretchen Whitmer, and other notables announced they would be there.

Then, suddenly, it was all off. It appears Trump’s commerce secretary, Howard Lutnick, got involved (he’s the one the Marouns lobbied directly earlier this year). Perhaps the president took a break from the Iran war and organizing his mixed martial arts-themed birthday spectacular on the White House lawn and kiboshed the bridge event, even though others in his orbit had agreed to it.

That would be just another day at the office for Trump. Trying to make Carney responsible makes no sense, but the PM was left trying to smooth things over and hoping things will work out sooner rather than later.

That’s just how it goes when you find yourself playing a role in a crime story you didn’t write, in an unfolding drama from which you wish you could escape. Unfortunately, the bad guys are still writing the script.