Add the baby name “Donald” to the list of things Donald Trump has ruined.
Famous people can either elevate or bring shame upon their sobriquet. It’s why you probably know a Lisa but have never met an Adolf. I did once make small talk with a stripper who said her name was Shirley Temple. It was disturbing.
But let’s start with a report this week in NOTUS: “Naming Your Kid ‘Donald’ Has Never Been So Unpopular.” From the story: “In 2025, the baby name ‘Donald’ hit its lowest point of popularity in U.S. history, according to data maintained by the Social Security Administration…
“The federal agency received fewer than 400 Social Security card applications for baby Donalds last year, making ‘Donald’ the nation’s 690th most popular baby name amid Trump’s return to the White House for a second term.”
In Florida, the gilded citadel of President Algae, only 21 new Donalds joined Planet Earth last year. More boys were named Maximus or Keanu.
The irony is delicious.
Donald wants his name on everything — but nobody wants it on their newborns.
In the new book “Regime Change: Inside the Imperial Presidency of Donald J. Trump,” authors Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan share an anecdote from a presidential interview in March. At one point, Trump summoned a lackey to retrieve a document in which a historian ranked him as more powerful than Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan…
As it turns out, the “historian” was a golf caddy, which tracks.
But the takeaway? Trump was thrilled to power-shift above the most monstrous figures in history. He proudly shared this document like a third-grader showing off a straight-A report card: I’m greater than Alexander the Great! Napoleon never got his face on a $250 bill! The Roman Caesars weren’t powerful enough to alienate the entire world while looking like a Valencia orange with straw hair!
I’m just glad Donald Sutherland is not around to see how his first name got dragged through the sociological muck. And now I know why other Donalds prefer the hypocorism: Don Cheadle, Don Henley, Don McLean.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers, Donald Duck.
Trump has spent his life trying to slap his name on everything: buildings, universities, vodka bottles, freeze-dried steaks, ill-fitting shirts. A couple of days ago, he unveiled the new Air Force One, a luxury 747 gift from Qatar that really should be dubbed Bribe Air.
In Exhibit 946 of the Trump 2.0 grift and corruption files, the new Air Force One will become his private plane upon leaving office. Can you imagine the outrage on Fox News if Obama had left office with a free letter opener from Kenya?
Trump takes what he wants. But there is one thing he can’t acquire, annex, bomb, conquer or rename by executive order: birth certificates. The maternity ward is his kryptonite. There are no C-section rallies. When your name is as popular as “Enoch,” you’ve entered Visigoth territory.
The 21 new baby Donalds in Florida last year could fit inside a Mar-a-Lago broom closet with plenty of space left for boxes of classified docs. We are witnessing a great Donald extinction. The man who ran casinos into the ground has now covered his own name with green slime.
Names come and go over decades. But it’s usually a slow fade. I love the names “Harold” and “Mildred,” but I don’t anticipate ever meeting one in the club district. Per NOTUS: In 2004, when “The Apprentice” premiered, “Donald” was No. 263 on the most popular baby name list. In 2013, when he was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, it fell to 415. Three years later, when he won his first presidency, it sank to 489 and has dropped more than 200 spots since.
As with everything else he kills, Trump hastened the demise of his own name by showing the world he is a modern day monstrous figure, an Atila with a tanning bed. His name is as toxic as his Reflecting Pool, and this will cross species.
When I adopted two Bengal kittens a couple of years ago, the paperwork identified them as “Taylor Swift” and “Travis Kelce.” You can go into any animal shelter on this continent and you will not find a dog named “Donald.”
That pooch would never find its forever home.
Even the red hats don’t want to risk naming a baby “Donald.” Sure, they may still claim an undying love for the gargoyle in the White House. But birth certificates do not lie. They don’t want their baby boy growing up to file for bankruptcy six times or have affairs with porn stars.
That name is now bad juju, a bad omen, a harbinger of all that is rotten.
Donald Trump’s true legacy? He ruined “Donald” for everyone.
